It's unusual for me to have a teaching dream at the beginning of summer vacation. This morning I dreamed that I was looking for a job in the city and I was given a class to cover. The previous teacher was also there. I had some ping pong balls and as I was drilling the class. I would throw a ball and the child who held the ball would answer. The previous teacher started leading the drill. One child insisted on sitting on his desk. I moved over to him with no results. I spoke to him. No result. He would not give me his name. I had some small cardstock diecut forms to make 3d shapes and I gave them out as reinforcements (rather than candy). I gave one to a student who was sitting properly nearby.
Then I woke up and thought "What a good idea!"
I woke up with some positive energy today. It had rained all night and now the sun is shining and there is a breeze moving the tree leaves outside my window. As I move around, packing the garbage to go outside and clearing the kitchen sink, my bursitis slows me down and makes me sit. I take my morning meds. I formalize my daily plans.
After a few hours of sorting stuff on my desk, I'm exhausted. I found a stack of greeting cards I saved since my car accident a few years ago. They are full of humor and concern and prayers from people I still have not thanked. Nor have I emulated their kindness by sending greetings to others. I am crushed by shame and self- condemnation. And it's getting hotter outside.