Saturday, January 21, 2012

Journal

Dear Lord. I remember you this morning. I look to you this morning. I center myself on you this day. My grateful heart goes to you this morning.
You bring me out of the petty worries scattered around the floor of my living space.
You feed me with your blessings.

What to wear? How to move? What to bring?
Let go and let God take care of these things. Just begin.

Dear Lord, I'm grateful. I'm up early on a holiday I hope to get a lot done with the help of Danielle. She is a blessing! Thank you for the gift of abstinence from overeating and the gift of others who are an encouragement and an example.

The day begins with gratitude and promise. Last night's fear of death is put aside.

Dear Lord, I groan with the pain of being human and being alive for so long. I am old yet I fear death. My doubts obstruct my hopes. I trust too much in my consciousness. How can I be afraid to lose myself in you?

I'm grateful that I work with adolescents.

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Dear Lord, I want to let you work in me.  The will and the power for my transformation comes from you.  Change me dear Lord.

. . . I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Dear Friend, you came and found me.  I wasn't looking for you.  You used every trick in the book to capture me. Why me, Lord? I am so poorly equipped to hold a place in your kingdom. You hold my hand and I hold yours.

Friday, January 6, 2012

journaling - Let me hide myself in Thee

Dear Lord, I ask your protection as I monitor my fragile health. Dear Lord, you know how much gluttony and sloth have gotten me this way. Please hold me in your hand as I struggle toward health. Dear Lord may I increase in health to serve you better. If my back pain is my cross, help me to bear it. Help me to release weight and compulsion that make me unhealthy and of less use to you.
Your beauty and grace are my comfort and joy. Let me hide myself in you.

Dear Lord, I have been much too harsh and critical. I have been a scold. This had not helped anyone. My comments have not improved things. Dear Lord, may I show the grace that you have shown me. May I feel the love that helps us all grow and flourish. May I express this love to others.

Sunday morning ... a morning from my childhood. Watching people walk to church in couples and families, the chimes are playing Jesus Loves Me. I went to the early service ... the one with the "old" people ... and the scripture was from the Sermon on the Mount, starting with my confirmation verse (Matthew 6:19 ).  The hymns were familiar and we sang every verse.  By no means do I think of this old "mainstream" culture as the only way to celebrate Christ; I just enjoyed it on this particular morning.

Pastor Sharon apparently doesn't do sermons, but her prayers are wonderful. She seems to voice my concerns so well and she speaks with the assurance of God's mercy and love.


Monday, January 2, 2012

Journaling New Year

I measure my life in 20 year increments.
The third ...20 years ... was spent trying to forget the madness of the second. But nothing is more vivid than that madness.

Dear Lord, I am afraid of death as I am afraid of you.

Old friends have died, and more are yet to die. It's not that I miss being with them. When they were alive we were rarely in touch. I wonder at them falling into death. They sing "holy, holy, holy" whether they want to or not.

When are the indignities of life more painful than the indignity of death? Not yet. Not yet.

-----------------------
This is the year of "when I'm sixty-four". I remember, when I was nineteen, trying to imagine it. Well now here it is. Of course it's different than I imagined.
------------------------

I get in trouble when I scold. Scolding usually turns around to bite me.
---------------------------------

When I was about 8 years old I used to make small worlds of fairies in the woods. I'd make tiny people out of paper, sometimes out of clothespins, and I'd set them up in little houses made of twigs, leaves, funguses, moss. I left them in different places in the woods so the lumberjacks would find them.