Monday, May 4, 2009

bouncing on the bottom

I'm feeling guilty because I spent $21 on my grandson this weekend. It was money I didn't have and it was stuff he didn't need.

Meanwhile a crisis is looming ahead. I have already disconnected cable and haven't bought clothes (except for prescription shoes) in well over a year. I'm getting internet from my neighbors' routers. I've got just enough to make the rent this pay period. Gas money, medicine money, CSA money, electric, phone(which I've got down to minimum $17 a month)... there's probably other money I don't have as well. I'm not depressed so much as sickened. I almost wish I could be depressed instead of appalled, dismayed, and bewildered. Or would depression be an add-on rather than an instead-of?

I'm on my way this morning to do blood work, which I'd better do while I have a credit card that still works.

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