A week of daily prayers

A pattern for prayer
Who God is
What I need from God
Intercessions
Thanks to God

Monday
Dear Father. You are my Helper, my Friend, my Shelter, my Healer.
Be my strength today as I do the few things I hope to do.
Give me abstinence from unhealthy behavior.
Grant me pleasure in healthy activity.
May Sherry feel your loving arms around her in her distress.
Protect Lynn and her household from the nearby fires.
Help my son weather his financial storms.
Keep his family safe in their travels.
Thank you for the shelter you have given my family.
Thank you for the beauty you have provided in music.
Thank you for the greenery of where I live.
Thank you for making yourself known.

Tuesday
Dear Father. You are the Creator of all, the Lover of all, the Healer of all.
I lean on your patience and your love.
I need your strength today.
I pray for those in your community of belief.
Give them wisdom and comfort.
Grant Sherry acceptance, grant Lynne protection, help my son with his finances.
Thank you for the love you have given us.
Thank you for the beauty of the earth.
Thank you for wisdom.

Wednesday
Dear Lord of my life. You are my Defender. You are my Guide. You are my Protector.
I live in your patience. I draw strength in your guidance.
Help me to grow stronger day by day.
Please help my son find comfort in your will.
Help our leaders find non-violent solutions.
Comfort Sherry, protect those in danger in the fires, give the brethren wisdom.
Thank you for the gift of gratitude for my son.
Thank you for the morning.
Thank you for medicines.

Thursday
Dear Lord and Teacher. You are my patient Teacher.  You are always near.
I love to be in your presence.
Please let me know how I depend on you. Help me draw energy from your love.
Help my son.
Hear our prayers for peace.
Comfort the sorrowful.
Thank you for the community of those that love you and seek your will.
Thank you for nourishment and wakefulness.

Friday
Dear Creator and Lover of Creation. You are the unknown who reveals yourself to us.
Let me know you. Let me be with you.
Be with Ben and help his patients in Uganda. Help him find the supplies and tools he needs.
Please help my son be in peace.
Comfort Sherry.
Thank you for the progress in calming the California fires.
Thank you for my prescriptions.

Saturday
Dear originator of Life. You are the source of all our movement, reproduction, energy, growth...
Let me move and demonstrate your energy. Help me to heal.
Help Seth please, and give his doctors wisdom and knowledge.
Help his parents help him.
Give my son financial security.
Comfort Sherry.
Thank you for the loveliness of this temperate weather.
Thank you for the comfort of home.

days in the life

This is a week of my recent life. 

I promise not to post this sort of stuff again in the near future.

Friday
I've been binge-watching a TV show again. The first 11 episodes of the season were OK but the last 20 minutes of The Killing were almost unbearable. Curiosity led me to follow my investment ... If you're considering doing the same, skip the lat 20 minutes which are silly and boring.

So while that was going on, I neglected self-care and household upkeep. Now it's that time when I try to motivate myself to do all the things I regularly resolve to do ... over and over.

I did some good swimming yesterday (vigorous) and can hope to repeat that today. I don't have pool access tomorrow or Sunday, so I'll need it.  The A/c is on today which mainly produces a feeling of cold clamminess. It's 90 humid degrees outside. Last week we had a respite featuring back to school weather. I guess I'll get to the pool as first priority since thunderstorms are in the forecast and the pool is closed when there's thunder.
Yesterday I bought beef to go with my leftover ratatouille and pasta (the last of several day's worth). But I couldn't finish it. I really don't think I like beef any more. And I may have had my ration of ratatouille for the year.
.... more to follow ...
Sat.
Next day. I didn't do anything as it turns out. I started in on a new tv show. So here we are today with a new stickie

blood sugar 250
internet distraction messed up writing
before lunch b.s. 300 (really need to get metformin today.
still on track but very very slow
I'm pleased that I took out the trash (some moaning and groaning)
I'm pleased that I got out to Greenbranch and got some groceries.
I went to the pharmacy and when I got home I found I still didn't have Metformin. I'll have to call and hope to get it tomorrow.
Then I'll call it a day, much better than yesterday, and watch netflix.

My dream for the future is that I can go up and down the stairs four times a day: Three times for the dog I dream of getting, and once for a trip to the pool.  
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Sunday
No, I don't want to go to church today.  Last week's experience was too unpleasant. I have to say I really admire those who are so faithful. They can see the same problems that I do, but they are so much more tolerant.

And I'm balking about my own list. It's a fine list, but it's a list, which feels so oppressive. I'd rather sit around and compose lists all day, rather than follow them. The list is not very demanding.

The name of the salad is caprese. Pronounced in an Italian way.
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Monday
Off to a staggering start this morning. Got hung up on facebook. Lots of interesting items re: cookie cutter christianity, humor, new friend requests from me for friends of friends, funny stuff, peace, peace, peace ...
I'm procrastinating from a shower.

I'd really like to go back to bed. It's afternoon. Trash has got to go out.... I checked my bank account and paid my credit card bill the minimum. Usually I pay much more than the minimum, but finances this month seem pretty tight. I felt more and more like staying home, partly because I wanted to avoid going out and buying something to eat ... I 'd really like to adhere to my committed food plan today. Every morning I submit my food plan and recently that has been more and more a fleeting fantasy.  My food plan is a tool I have to keep from eating compulsively. Compulsive mean unplanned. My first meal today wasn't until the smoothy after noon. Going out this afternoon would make buying (spending money on) an unplanned sandwich a temptation I want to avoid.

I did take a shower and then took some more Ultram for the pain in my thighs and read an essay by Jonathan Franzen.  It was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. It was about his father and Alzheimer. A topic I've written myself but without the detail, depth and breadth. It was writing that I could only wish I could do, if I only had many more years to hone the skill, practice the discipline.

I could feel guilty for the trash piled up by my front door and for the undone exercise that would be beneficial if done. But reading the essay by Franzen felt like completely worthwhile activity. Perhaps I'll be inspired to take out the trash later and "core exercises" are still on the sticky.

I tried to listen online to the sermon I missed this weekend. I could not finish. Like the week before, the pastor read aloud from a book for a large portion of the sermon. This is not good. I called up a close friend and, in a sense, we committed we would not flee, but try to find a way to do what we could to help our pastor and our community.
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 Tuesday 
This is Bowser. By the time I'm ready to adopt a dog, she'll be gone. But I have her picture for inspiration. She's a lovely dog.
Last night, I had an idea for writing but this morning it's evaporated.  All I can remember was that it seemed like a good idea. This morning I'm circling the drain with a lack of purpose.

Add to this printing out articles.

Not a good day. Couldn't come up with anything to write, didn't go swimming, couldn't finish lunch ....

 

 Wednesday Seems like yesterday was a pretty depressed day. And the best thing for depression is exercise ... which I have been avoiding for several days. The weather today is condusive to lifting a mood, sunny and cooler.  As I write this I'm feeling more optimistic. Later... took out the trash, swam, went to Greenbriar farms. brought groceries upstairs ... much improvement over yesterday! But my appetite's still pretty poor. I can't complain about that though. I didn't do any writing today.

   While at the pool I took part in a few conversations.  It seems that we had competing agendas, to "out-sick" each other. One person would describe their health problems (or their pet's or relative's) and people would listen sympathetically until they could hear something that they could hook on to with their own story. Then focus would switch to the new story teller until a new hook was found. Part of the game was to sound realistically sympathetic right up until it was your turn to be telling the sick story. There were plenty of sick stories to offer because nobody at that pool was there to show off their athletic prowess or physical fitness. We were there because we were in physical trouble, preparing for joint replacement, recovery from difficult to diagnose complaints,  burning calories, striving for muscle tone, straightening up, sucking it in ... There was a fine balance between fitting in and being special.

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Thursday Reading a good essay by Jonathan Frazen makes my brain feel healthy.

This morning, I compose essays on sciatica and pain. Actually I haven't, but It would probably a good idea. Tho what can one say but owee ow ow?If it were a good essay, who would want to read it? Pain is eomthing that you can't really remember. Then when you're in pain you don't remember it it not bein present. Well, it is connected to the brain.

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Friday
 I bought a taco salad throughthe drive thru yesterday. It was awful. I'm pretty sure taco salads were better 20 some years ago.
I had a lot of pain yesterday and am demanding a lot less of myself today. I took 2 oxycodones this morning and feel much better physically and mentally. I'm not going swimming, mostly because I don't think I would drive safely. I'm enjoying my sunny living room.

Indoor Experiencing Perfect Weather

July was too hot. Even with the air conditioners blowing, one in the east window, one in the west, I could feel the heat in my bones and in my gut.  I didn't go out.  I hung around and avoided anything that would create heat.  It was too hot to cook.
   But for the last several days the air is crisp and cool. The cicadas and the crickets make pleasant noise outdoors. I can hear them through the open windows.  Warblers and jays make songs, sound rare enough to be appreciated. Unlike the saturation of spring. Like clear refrigerated water.

Apology to Tim

When we were young, you made it clear that you were attracted to me. You asked me out on dates, you tried to be where I was, you told friends and teachers that you were interested in me. I gave you no attention. I ignored you. I avoided you. I quit music lessons with a teacher who wanted to encourage our relationship.

Friends told me that you were miserable. They told me of a time you were sitting in a tree in tears because I'd preferred to be out of town with my family. I wanted to be at the ski slopes, not because I loved skiing, but because that's where the "cool" kids were. You didn't ski, and probably couldn't afford it. Even though we had similar interests, I was unaware of that. I was unaware of you. I paid no attention to who you were. I had no good reason for this at all. I had no reasons that I can think of. Perhaps I didn't have respect for anyone who respected me. I am sorry that I was so self-centered and so oblivious to how smart you were, how musical, how kind you were. These were all qualities that I valued then, I certainly value them now.

Now I regret my behavior. I'm sorry I caused you sorrow. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate your good qualities. Even more, I regret missing out the opportunity of having a relationship with you. I have missed having you as a long-time friend and wish I'd forged and maintained a connection with you for all these years. I certainly appreciate who you are today. I'm sorry.