journaling

1.
I've been drifting away from the mirror
forgetting denying escaping the image of who I have been
who I am ...
instead i have been nobody and doing nothing

Dear God, you know me. I call out to you. Take me to the mirror. Shelter me, soothe me, but open my eyes, Dear Revealer.

2.
Here I am elderly
and eager to get older
and qualify for Medicare.
I'll quit my job and write
and read and watch movies.
I'll rescue a dog
and walk her for exercise,
up and down those stairs.
My grandmother was fat at my age
like me - though she wore a girdle, used no cane.
I think she was sharper mentally
She didn't have a job, but she did volunteer work

Dear God, my Grandmother taught me about you. May you bless her soul.
all the souls who showed me You. Thank you.

3.
Men. All so imperfect. Cruelly thoughtless. Liars. Pompous and vain. Foolish. But I am proud to have
loved the worthwhile and useful parts of them.

Dear God, help me to be patient with men.

An extra Thanksgiving gratitude ... for MY grandmother.

I'm a grandmother now, but on Thanksgiving I'm back to age 6 as we drive south to Tarrytown singing "Over the River and Through the Woods to Grandmother's House we Go!" My grandmother was a hugger and my parents were not, so for the hours we took I anticipated the hug she'd give us at the door. She would scoop my sister and me up and give us wiggly hugs. She smelled of talcum and bleach which she used for cleaning. She had sort of a lilting voice and had the kind of accent you hear in old movies. Sort of like Sidney Carlton in Tale of Two Cities 'Tis a far far better thing that I do ..." or her contemporary, William Powell.

She usually had items around with just us girls in mind, a doll, a tea set ... I don't remember ever being bored around grandma. She was great at crossword puzzles and Jeopardy. She taught us Canasta and even now if I'm passing something out and come out exact, I mentally give myself 300 points.

She wasn't noted for cooking so I can't recall any special foods at her house. I know that on Thanksgiving there would be turnips because she liked them. Nobody else liked them, but I missed their smell on Thanksgivings after she died.