Simplicity

As I crawl through Foster's Celebration of Discipline I'm thinking about simplicity. Yesterday I was substitute teaching sixth grade students and had the chance to think about driving at or under the speed limit.
I didn't tell them my first reason - it's a spiritual excercise to combat two of my character defects. When I obey the law I am letting go of being defiant and arrogant. I do NOT know better than the law makers and I comply with what they would have me do. I didn't tell the kids this because it's personal and more than that, complicated.
My second reason is that it saves petroleum. My mileage is quite good. It was 40 mpg last time I took a long trip. I'd like to do my bit to conserve non-renewable resources and to give my country a little less reason to rationalize war. This I discussed with the kids. I showed them the math.
Another thing that came up with the kids was to respond to "it gets us there faster" with "WHY?" I'd like to bring up the question because it seems we all hurry without any reason.
I found myself doing an Eddie Izzard mime of driving along with the wind in my hair. The kids were in stitches (and I'm pretty sure they've never seen Eddie Izzard.) They probably think I'm just loony. I like to think they think I'm cool. It's possible they just think I'm foolish, but as long as I act like I think they think I'm cool, they suspect I may really be cool.

Fasting with a friend

A woman I work with is also doing a Daniel fast, so I asked where she ate her lunch. Today I joined her. She is a great encourager. Some weeks ago I had mentioned that I lost my stagefright when I first became a Christian and she responded with one word "Boldness!" That one word showed me that it wasn't as trivial a gift as I'd often thought.
So today at lunch I was telling her about my continuing efforts to memorize Ephesians 6:13+ and I was telling her that I would have to think a lot to understand the part about my feet being fitted with the readiness that comes with the gospel of peace. And she said "You're doing it now, by memorizing scripture and being ready to use it." She's quick. It's a blessing to know her.

Fasting

The thorn in my side goes by the name of gluttony. If it can be overdone, I can do it. Food, books, ... I even think of my thirst for skills as a form of gluttony. As a brand new Christian, I was intrigued when I heard about fasting. And after hearing Chuck Swindoll do a series on Esther, I started to notice how often fasting went hand in hand with prayer in the Bible.

At Shelfari, in the Spiritual Formation Group, we are discussing fasting in Chapter 4 of Spirit of the Disciplines. I may have come across Foster's Spirit of the Disciplines when I was searching for fasting in the public library. (My fellow Southern Baptists wouldn't have recommended anything unless it was published by Lifeway!)Now 12 years later, I'm diabetic and don't fast from food completely. But yesterday I started a 10 day Daniel fast and that seems like it may be a good way for me to go.

Yesterday morning I had a strange experience in church. A lady I like to sit with had just recently come out of the hospital. She had been prescribed steroids and was commenting about how much she had been eating and how even her grandchildren were making comments. She has never been one to do good things about her health - she makes me look like a health nut, which is hard to do. (I fear and pray for her health.) During the entire service on this morning she ate an entire bag of pork rinds and a large box of good'n'plenties. I was aghast and speechless (which is unusual for me) Last week I'd read PistolPete's blog entry about public gluttony compared with private sexual behavior and that's all I could think about. She offered me some of her stash and I turned it down ... if I hadn't been fasting from meat products and sweets, I might have had some.

Foster on Prayer

"To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us. If we are unwilling to change, we will abandon prayer as a noticeable characteristic of our lives." - Foster Celebration of Discipline p. 33

I see this too much in my own life. Right now my life is approaching a state of emergency, but I still am resisting change.

scripture to memorize

Ephesians 6:(NIV)
13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

What happens to my resolutions?

Romans 7:13-25 (The Message)

13I can already hear your next question: "Does that mean I can't even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?" No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God's good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.

14-16I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

I said something at work that could get me fired. I was being flip and certainly didn't MEAN any harm, but it was in very poor judgement. Very very poor judgement. (whacks self on head)

As a distant friend told me on the phone tonight,"You will make mistakes at work."

I have missed the mark so many times. I will miss the mark over and over again. I need a Savior to set things right.

Here's a PS. I am listening to John Piper speaking about these verses. I've made a link to part 2 of the 3 part series. I'm so glad to have a holiday to put time into this. I think it's important.

It's New Year's Eve.

from Psalm 51 (the NIV version)
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight,

from Psalm 51 (the Message version)
8 Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. ... 10 God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.

This psalm was written after Nathan had the guts to tell David what he had done wrong when he had committed adultery with Bathsheba and arranged to have her husband killed. Terrible wrongs that hurt many people. But David knows his greatest sin was against God.

Sins that hurt "only ourselves" are also sins against God.

This is a good time for a "Genesis week from the chaos of my life."

Deep calls to deep

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

-from Psalm 42

The Spiritual Formation Group at Shelfari is starting a study of Foster's Celebration of Discipline, which for many of us is a re-read. I'm using Foster's Study Guide to "lead" discussion. I put "lead" in quotes because I'm not so concerned with who follows, but that I am more accountable. Foster recommends this psalm to get started and all the images of water make my heart skip a beat, because it is images of water that have spoken most to me from scripture. (can I say "roared"?)

somewhere in between

My "sabbatical year" is half over and where am I? I'm still confused.
I know that I want to be teaching ESL. But as a part of what mission? Does the mission exist? Do I have to initiate the mission? As part of what community?

I am very far from community. There are two churches that I am attracted to. But there are turn-offs. Their web-pages illustrate my problem.

The church where I am currently a member has had a racially and culturally diverse congregation. Our youth group has been a rainbow of attributes - something that has been a sign to me of Christ's body. But now it presents stock graphics on its homepage of pretty people that I don't know. On its "about" page it is stated that "Of the four Southern Baptist Churches in town, Immanuel has remained the most traditional in its administration, ministries and worship format." That may explain why so many of our deacons were formerly members of other Baptist churches. As a trained musician, I really like having the notes to look at in a traditional hymnal. But is "traditional" a Christian attribute? It seems to me the "traditions" practiced at Immanuel are less than 150 years old.

Another church that I'm attracted to claims to be
This is a group that offers small groups (a big plus for me), solid theology, and I've had the blessing of knowing the two missionaries who are working in Guatemala. But is "casual" a Christian attribute? I happen to be a rather casual person, but I don't think I get that from the Holy Spirit.

I'd prefer to see a church advertise itself in more Biblical terms. Joy-filled and personal are good, and then there's patient ... kind...

I haven't been progressing well in finding community. I don't long for community. I'm an INTJ and my disposition isn't chummy. But so much of what I read about personal growth in recovery and in spiritual disciplines tells me that community is important. I say I'm looking for community, but I've been avoiding church altogether. I'm not practicing community at all. And I won't find it if I don't practice.

Big sigh. more later.