Perhaps because of the change in seasons, my back is hurting. The kind of pain with pangs that feel like electric shocks. Or maybe I spent to long in bed taking a lazy day of rest yesterday. If that's the case the irony is that now I HAVE to lie down. I've got a stack of things to read, so I'm far from bored.
Yesterday I read a bunch of David Foster Wallace stories. Yes he was a genius. And he has infected my thinking, which is already prone to be divergent. He seems to be driving my head today except for the genius part.
This evening I AM going to make it to the "Love Feast" at church. That's the semi-annual foot washing which I found so meaningful in the spring. Pain or no pain.
I'll take some pills and think of all the back to back House episodes I've been seeing recently. (I watch it although I'm so annoyed that he uses a cane in a completely fake way)
I felt like looking at pictures of my great grandmother this morning. I was comparing myself with pictures of her at my age (60). She lived to be 90. She had much better health than I do, but I think I'm a lot like her. My dad wrote the linked description when he was in his fifties.
Dear co-workers, Dear teachers that I am assistant for,
Today I've been appreciating how great it is that you have so much diversity in your little team. You are each so different and yet so strong as teachers. Our students are really fortunate to have you for a year (or two). You show them how to love the disciplines you present and you show them with kindness - the kindness that teachers show that is so rare in other parts of our world.
I also appreciate how you use your human resources ... the assistants and aides and interns that come your way. What a three ring circus you face every day. You are truly gifted with your patience and the ability to think of several things at once. Sometimes, like today, I just have to reflect in awe.
Finally I marvel at how well you work as a team, without losing your individuality. It's great to be working with you.
It's not from lack of thoughts, but more from lack of energy that I haven't blogged. I'd say lack of time, but I've had time to sleep, so I have had time. But what time I've had available has been spent gathering up energy for the next day. I've absolutely no down time at work and I miss that. I got my new office all decorated and now I have very little time in it. I guess the upside is that I won't mess it up!
I've been teaching business math at evening school on Mondays and Tuesdays and I spend some hours preparing. If I teach it again, it will take less time because right now I'm getting acquainted with the material, the administration and the grading system. I'm hoping that this will be a door into a better paying job.
I wore a blister onto a toe last week and that really messed me up. I had to go see a doctor, but it was OK, uninfected and I was doing what I was supposed to do for it. I don't regret taking the time to see the doctor because if something gets worse, she's already seen it and can deal with it over the phone. Speaking of the doctor, it's time to fill up the pill boxes. Another time consuming chore.
I tried to embed this video, but was not successful. The man giving the introduction is a former music teacher, our new county school superintendent!!! Between our new school principal and our new superintendent, I'm a pretty happy employee. Now if I could make enough money to pay my bills....
Yesterday I drove to Rehobeth to visit with a friend who was visiting there. I still have a big smile on my face from the experience.
I first met Dick about 15 years ago at an art/math conference which he attended with his friend Derwood, a musician. We sat together during lectures and wrote notes and behaved like middle school students and promised each other that we were "best friends". He showed me a flexible geometric construction he'd patented and told me of some museum exhibits he'd thought of. I was enthused about the construction and was doubtful about the exhibits (which he later proved me wrong about).
Months later he collaborated with me at making "holey-spheres", something I'd vainly hoped I could make money with, but found pleasure in nevertheless. Dick worked tirelessly to develop his "string thing" and eventually it evolved into a toy that sold well in the mass market. After developing a few more toys, I guess he'd be described as a toy maker. But I think he's really an artist.
When I have visited him and his wife at home it's always been a magical time. I've known him through three homes: an east village apartment, a country cottage in New York state, and a house in Pittsburg. His home is always filled with fascinating creations - art and toys, objects to explore and explore with. He has stuff hanging on trees in his yard.
I always enjoy being with his wife and he tells me that all his friends feel that way with her. She has a way of tuning into what's important to you and facilitating a lively conversation. She's a kind-hearted person and a superb hostess too.
Yesterday I got to see Derwood again who brought a neat lady friend and the bunch of us, along with Eileen's niece, lounged around Eileen's sister-in-law's house and just talked about anything. I can't remember all the topics, but the range was enormous, amusing, informative and interesting. Dick and Eileen don't have children of their own, but they seem to have a strong sense of family. They are close to their blood relatives and they are loyal and caring with their diverse friends. I feel so lucky to be in that category.
If you follow the little river that runs through our town and go toward its mouth to the Chesapeake Bay, you'll pass some towns that have been there since before the revolutionary war and that are still populated by descendants of Native Americans and early immigrants. In recent years many others have moved in looking for rural quiet. One group being some organic farmers. These farmers provide the local vegetables I "subscribe" to in a CSA. Today there was an annual tomato festival, the proceeds go for charity (providing vegetables for income people - hey that's ME) and I went to volunteer and to pick up tomatoes for ratatouille and buy a sandwich.
The sandwich was awesome. Why didn't I think to put basil in one before?
The lady in charge didn't have anything for me to do, so I spent the three hours people watching and socializing. The weather was beautiful, the river was beautiful, and the people were interesting. In another life I should make a living talking to strangers.
With our recent cooler weather and my last week before going back to full time work, I've been doing some cleaning that I haven't done in years. I have been cleaning the common areas of my building.
Someone else is paid to do this, but my landlord is a softie and won't "retire" the lady who is definitely too old and probably too infirm for the job, so if it gets done at all, it gets done poorly. I don't complain because my landlord hasn't raised my rent since I moved here and so I'm grateful my landlord is a softie. And I'm pretty old and infirm myself.
So back to the cleaning. I've scrubbed the landing and have scrubbed half of the stairs. Today I hope to finish the stairs. Four years ago I scrubbed all but the bottom four stairs (They remained for contrast). Since then I've had two knee replacements and my kneeling days are over. And until my surgery, I was a hands and knees sort of cleaner. It's the only way I can do a good job. So now I'm a stand and bend or sit and bend cleaner.
Nobody has done the stairs since four years ago, so you can imagine what they're like. A bucket of cleaning water does no more than four steps. Yesterday I did nine steps (stretched one bucket to five).
I'm feeling so grateful that I am feeling well enough to do this. Did my apartment floors too this week. And the thing is that I'm feeling better and better as I go along.
All my cells are happy. The temperature is reasonable and they are in homeostasis. I'm afraid I'm like the person in the Bible who is tossed to and fro on waves ... I don't sustain moods or resolve very well. Is it all dependent on the temperature and air pressure? Well, I'm glad I live in a temperate climate area. I'd be mighty grumpy in some other biomes. But here I'm so grateful for the beauty of deciduous trees, plentiful clean water, and comfortable nights.
I survived five short VBS sessions of working with preschoolers without killing anyone or even making someone cry. I didn't do well at it ... my memory was completely shot because I was so nervous and that's the first thing to go. Note to self: don't go into acting.
Yesterday my "SummerScholar" course for gifted students concluded. I was teaching the game of Go and threw in some origami for variety. The kids responded very positively. But if I want to work in the program next year, I've got to come up with something different because Go doesn't draw enough students.
Like a heavenly sign, e-mail from TEDS last night sent me here: http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/robert_lang_folds_way_new_origami.html
Origami is exactly what the doctor ordered! And I've been fiddling with origami almost as long as I've been fiddling with Go.
We can't just spend 3 hours a day making little animals. But there's lot's of math and science in it (as the video points out too) and we could do paper airplane experimentation for variety.
I got my feelings hurt last night ... I was criticized for my guitar playing during last Sunday's service. Someone had said to the leader that it "clashed". I felt like packing up and going home right then, or least quitting forever. I'm not saying my guitar playing wasn't bad, but I felt that I had put in a huge effort for less than a week's notice. I didn't know what key we were playing in until after Tuesday. It looks as if things won't change much, so unless I want to continue to put out a huge effort and continue to play badly because I'm not really prepared, I should leave my (very very heavy) guitar at home.
Then the lead singer suggested everybody not sing except during the choruses... so as not to confuse the congregation. At that point I started to thinking I'll get to sing more if I'm IN the congregation. I knew that I was feeling like a sorehead, so I tried to make no decisions or proclamations last night. I need to sort out what my participation is about. Not easy. I don't really like the contemporary music as music ... but I do like participating in it. It's great to strum, clap, tap my feet, and sing harmony while worshipping God.
Praise band practice tonight involved a new teenager and a man. (Not a bass but good enough!) What a wonderful sound we made! Not like anything we've done before so the congregation will be in for a Sunday surprise. I've often said that my favorite thing was singing duets. I have to revise that now. My favorite thing is singing quartets! This was better than I could have expected for a first time group. Our leader is very talented and worked really well with our newcomers. Same with our piano player. We are really blessed. I have fantasies of us going on the road :-)
When I got home I actually carried my guitar up the stairs. That's enthusiasm!
Today I was involved with making church music. I've been learning a lot ... being with a new denomination introduces me to a new hymnal and going to "contemporary" services exposes me to music I also don't know. I've been studying pretty hard, going to "praise band" practice, and taping music for my car trips. Unfortunately our musicians, including me, will get burnt out if we don't get advance time for practice. A musician operates on a couple of levels. There's the kinesthetic stuff where one does the mechanics. After that is taken care of, one can actually listen to the music and convey the spirit behind it. With groups, one has to get used to the others. For example, a song sound better when everyone pronounces the vowels in the same way (which is one reason singers look at each other). It's a lot like sports I think, only it's a new game with each new musical piece.
Some pastors don't understand the kinesthetic preparation that's needed and they think a musician can just launch into the spirit stuff. It's embarrassing to make a mistake publicly and a musical mistake can be loud and awkward. A soloist can fudge, but a member of the group really sticks out. If music selections were just a matter of appropriate words, we could just chant poetry instead of singing it. The "groanings" of the Holy Spirit can teach us that words aren't the only form of worship. So perhaps a pastor could let go of his attachment to the importance of the words to the expense of having time to practice. Just saying. ;-)
While preparing for a song for this morning, I was told I'd be using a mike, but there's be no time to practice with the mike. I said "I've used a mike lots of times". Heh heh. It did not occur to me that I'd never used a mike while holding music. So for the first service, I found I could not see the music where I had to hold it. By the second service I'd figured out where to hold it.
Three of us sang a hymn a capella. I'm told it was the "Mennonite anthem", so I think it's appropriate that we sang a capella. The congregation's pleasure was palpable. Connie and Jim and I do pretty well staying on pitch. What a pleasant blessing!
Two new people were interested in joining our tiny praise band (average 2.5 people). I hope we'll get more lead time so we can work better as a bigger group.
Actually I'm not as disgruntled as people usually are about tax dollars. I'm quite grateful to have a job and I hope my ONE student is happy to be having intensive tutoring in biology. She's a really nice kid and deserves the extra attention.
I'm learning as we go, too. Biology, the science of life, is really really awesome. If this human science can be so complex and beautiful, doesn't it boggle the mind to think about the Giver of Life?
... to God when things like this happen. I was waiting in the summer school office and in walked Johnny! I had just been telling someone I would like to see him after all these seven years, but I wouldn't recognize him. So, she knowing this, was able to introduce us. What a treat!
Yesterday's message at church was on "intentional living" and was a tape from Kerry Shook from Fellowship of the Woodlands in Houston TX. It certainly presented a challenge, to the point that the congregation was a bit stunned. The challenging question was:
What would I do today if I had only one month to live?
My first answer might be not to sleep so much.
Yesterday I packed my hairless fiddle bow for shipping, made post cards to send to my favorite aunt, and wrote notation for Angel Band.
I did watch Lawnorder Criminals in Tents for the last hour of the day, which is not good for my spiritual condition. I have been concerned about my spiritual condition because I've been waking up too often with resentments. Last night I did make sure I went to sleep with a prayer on my lips and did wake up feeling better. No resentments today, but some fear over current difficulties and challenges.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Goodness a week has gone by since the last blog entry. And I have had time ... but filled it well. Forgive me if I'm saying what I've said before. My life may be more of the same on paper.
I've been putting together flashcards for teaching remedial biology. The students will have 20 hours to relearn or learn about seventh grade and high school biology. The week after their two weeks with me they will retake the HSA biology which is required for high school graduation. (And I thought New York State Regents' exams were tough!) So I figure the best thing I can do is help them bone up on terminology. Hmmm... I do that a lot when I teach math too.
Speaking of math. I have not gotten any invitations to job interviews. Is there a black mark next to my name? Still I feel very strong promise in that direction.
What's on my mind today is how I want to make as much as my church "fellowship" activities as much an outreach activity as possible. That's the idea of music on the porch or eating out at foreign restaurants (besides liking the interesting foods). I suppose that's a recurring theme too.
I mustered enough energy to get to praise group practice last night. And it really charged me up. Not yet, but someday I'll join the group during church. Maybe within the year. I'm really learning a lot.
I've been encouraged to think through and write out my "story" of why I go to church. Do I go to church for any reason that I could tell somebody else? Suppose I want to invite my next door neighbor to join us in church. Why would anyone want to come with me? Maybe my understanding why I go would help me understand. This was a One Prayer assignment that was given on Wednesday and now it's rotated off the page. (A reason that that website is very aggravating) But it's taken me all this time to think about it.
I go to church because it's refreshing. When I go to work I feel as if I am subject to judgment. I also feel that way at parties. At church I feel smart enough, good enough, and doggone it, people like me! And I find I like the people I'm with in the same way.
At church I'm with people who are deeply concerned about the state of the world, and not afraid, or shy, or too self-conscious to say so. We either share our sorrows there, or we let go of our petty grievances as we concentrate on the problems of others'. We also share our victories and pleasures. I don't hear any "top this" stories either, although I suppose they have to happen from time to time.
I go to church because it puts my world in order. I need the regular reminder of who is in charge (God) and who is not (me). The attitude of worship does this better than anything. You could tell me God is important, but I don't feel it unless I'M telling God that God is important.
I go to church because I like God, I'm sure He likes me, and it's a great place to affirm that with others who feel the same way. I go to church because I want to please God, and I'm sure He wants me to grow, and it's a great place to grow with others who feel the same way.
My son and grandson are big Colbert fans and I've been reading and listening to NT Wright. NTW doesn't seem too comfortable in Colbert's comedy format - maybe nobody told him it was a fake news show. But I'm pleased he was there.
That's me in the middle ... at least it should be.
I played music with Connie today. Hopefully the first in a series of musical events. Tonight we were on my front porch with fireflies. Weather permitting, it's a great place to meet. And we can attract others as we did tonight. I sure hope we get another musician to sort of "thicken" our sound.
Connie and I prayed for each other to have success in our job searches. Connie's been interviewing. I really would like a job at a particular nearby middle school.
Today I found it easy to be grateful and enjoy God gifts, even in the midst of discomfort.
One of my favorite things about living on the eastern shore is the summer vegetables. I picked up my CSA share yesterday and am fortunate (unemployed) enough to have time to sort and clean them for an hour this morning. I've got a few meals worth of wax and green beans, a head of lettuce, 3 medium zucchini, more than a few meals of tiny red potatoes, a bunch of beets and a bunch of young carrots. I plan to juice the beets and carrots (and save the pulp for soup?). All organic. So far, I've found these vegetables to be several times as tasty as those from the store OR from a roadside stand. I'm looking forward to Tomato Time!
Today with one prayer is pray for pastor day, Mr. and Mrs. both.
Today, Tuesday, I am in prayer and fasting (no meat, no sugar) for my local church's diversity. I pray that our attendance will double and that our racial, economic, and cultural diversity will increase. I pray that we will challenge and excite each other with new insights and understandings. And let this excitement be a testimony to the God who makes this miracle possible.
Today's devotional emphasizes these elements of prayer: Audacity, Accuracy, Action. The Accuracy reminds me of the teacher thing of making objectives measurable.
We had communion in spirit. So much so in spirit that I almost forgot the bread and juice which we also shared. We used a video sermon which connected us with the Christian world at large, and members of the congregation pointed out our connection with area churches.
I responded to a blog post about the heart being the place where we experience feelings. I commented that I recalled it mentioned as being the kidneys. I was challenged to look it up and I find that I was partly right.
While the Syrians and the Arabs viewed the liver as the center of life, the kidneys, in contrast, held a primary place of importance in Israel. In Hebrew tradition, they were considered to be the most important internal organs along with the heart. In the Old Testament most frequently the kidneys are associated with the most inner stirrings of emotional life. But they are also viewed as the seat of the secret thoughts of the human; they are used as an omen metaphor, as a metaphor for moral discernment, for reflection and inspiration. This field of tension in metaphoric usage is resolved under the conception of the kidneys as life center. In the Old Testament the kidneys thus are primarily used as metaphor for the core of the person, for the area of greatest vulnerability. For us today, this metaphorical use of the kidneys has lost its meaning. One reason for its disappearance is certainly the monopoly of causal-analytic rationality in science of today. The kidney has developed from myth to organ, and with this transition a variety of perspectives and ways of looking at knowledge inherent in imaginative thought have been lost. But the metaphor uncovers a deeper level of truth, it represents another form of reconstruction of reality which needs not necessarily be subordinate to the scientific rationality. Today as well, these imaginative ideas can provide an approach to an essential level of reality which may otherwise remain hidden.
I look forward to seeing my friend in the pool these days. He's gotten less shy and more willing to talk about things that really matter to him. But today I think I blew him away. He made a small comment about developmentally disabled adults having "a free ticket to heaven" and I let him have it with both barrels. Now I didn't want to blow him away ... I just have a raw nerve when one is talking about the salvation of people with cognitive or mental disabilities.
I am a Christian today partly because I was brought to church by people with developmental disabilities. I was even baptized in a pool WITH a disabled woman because I had to stay in the water to hold her helmet. And I've known d.d. adults long enough and well enough to know they are sinners in need of salvation just like the rest of us. Someone saying that someone is "child-like" is simply wrong ... and doesn't know the mind of children very well either.
So I've challenged my fellow swimmer to come up with the Biblical reference. He currently insists that there's a verse about God protecting the feeble minded. Using BibleGateway, I haven't found it.
I guess this mindset angers me so much because it allows folks to forget the cognitively challenged. It also perpetuates the primary importance of being intellectually and theologically correct in one's religious point of view. I take great comfort in knowing that I am saved by Christ even though I'm theologically muddle headed.
BTW we got on the topic because I was saying that I judged a person's character on whether or not the developmentally disabled or the mentally ill in the congregation felt comfortable speaking with them. If I saw B... or T... avoid someone, no matter how sweet the person seemed to be, I figured B or T knew who was genuinely approachable.
Wednesday: What is your One Prayer? If you could pray one prayer for the Church, what would it be?
Before I accepted Christ as my savior, teacher, Lord, and friend, I was sort of a fuzzy new-age pantheist. And before that I was a Baha'i. As I Baha'i, I felt I had the key to world unity and peace. All we needed was for everyone to become Baha'i! I have come to believe that not everyone will agree on a religion. God draws each believer in the way that is right and timely for her. And some will never be believers at all. Still, my prayer for the Church is unity. Not that we all think the same way. I can see by the one prayer responses so far that we have very different slants. But let's accept the diversity in the Christian body and remember that Christ is the head.
Tuesday: We will fast together and pray for salvations. Go to the website to write the first name of someone you are praying will come to know Christ.If you can't fast, you might devote an hour to praying for salvations by sacrificing your time from the TV or another activity.
According to Baptist theology, Gareth is saved already, but I'll pray for him anyway. I also want to pray for Anne, a dear internet friend, and Lena, a neighbor. I'll fast from sweets, meat, movies and drama.
Monday: What did God do in your Church? Share what God is doing in your church and celebrate with other believers.
I'm new to my church. I've blogged a lot about good things in my former church, particularly in the diversity of its membership. Today's exercise gives me opportunity to say what I've noticed about my new church. Like with my old church, the good qualities are so natural they are almost taken for granted.
1. Gender equality - Men and women seem to take on equally important roles in the way things are run. There doesn's seem to be any sense of one gender being in charge of the "important" decisions. It helps that we have two pastors of two genders.
2. Naturalness - We have clapping and swaying during musical worship ... not because we are supposed to, but because it seems natural. Some people stand, some people sit, and some people do both when their arthritis acts up. Children act naturally too. We are truly encouraged to dress the way we want to dress. I had balked about an emphasis on "casual" that had been mentioned in the website, but in practice, all modes of dress, up or down, are acceptable.
3. We are blessed with some true servants who make our new worship center a very beautiful, welcoming and comfortable place. These people are hard to identify because they are humble too.
First I'll be part of the week of One Prayer in which our church is participating. Every day has a special focus. I'll be posting here about it. I'm also participating in a study on Shelfari of J I Packer's Knowing God.
I'll be getting the technical bugs out of my coming Go class I hope to be teaching. (If enough sign up.) I'll be studying cellular biology for the remedial class I'll be teaching. I hope to have more time for swimming too.
I wish I could repeat good ideas I've heard, but my summarizing skills seem to be lacking. Today while treading water in the physical therapy pool a fellow treader started up a conversation. Rather out of the blue, it seemed, about the state of American education. I'm inclined to disagree with anything that includes the phrase "what's going wrong in American ..." even when I agree with it! I did my level best to be agreeable, especially since the fellow hasn't jumped into any kind of conversation in the past and I suspect that conversation doesn't come easy for him. Well, in the course of what was becoming a stimulating conversation, I wanted to tell him what NT Wright had been saying about heaven ... or more accurately, what NT had been saying was NOT heaven. So my friend said "Like what?" and I was stumped. Couldn't remember a thing. Still it was a great starter conversation and I hope we have many more.
I'm missing praise music practice again tonight. I spent some time last night finding the chords and lyrics and listening to the tunes. Bought some new guitar strings this evening. Got to the church early to wait, and then, bam, my energy level crashed and I drove home and went to bed. Boy I hate it when I just poop out.
Before church this morning, I loaded my car for laundry, but the prospect of laundry was unbearable after church and I headed home. So I think that today's more cerebral. I started out the day early with discussion questions on Shelfari for chapter I of J I Packer's Knowing God. A few of my responses were lost into cyber space because I pushed the wrong button.
When I came home I watched the ending of the movie Time Out - which was very French and very moody and I gave it five stars (out of five). The actor Aurelien Recoing resembles Kevin Spacey in that he has a receding hairline, expressive eyes and dimples.
Then I tried yet another time to read N.T. Wright's article on Heaven that appeared in Christianity Today a while ago. I found it too difficult for me to follow, so I spent a few hours on the web reading related interviews, blogs, Wiki articles, and a few detours. What I've got so far is that I was right to distrust "Left Behind" popular theology and the LifeWay Sunday School drivel I've heard. But what Wright describes as a replacement is still confusing to me. I have images of myself picking arguments during funerals.
Now I'm watching a video from the National Cathedral. Wright is speaking about his book Simply Christianity. It is a lot easier for me to understand Wright's speaking than his writing. He uses a lot of commas in his speech and his writing, and they are a lot easier to follow with body language. (I add this later: It is an hour long, but it is a very worthwhile lecture!)
Well, now I still have to face molecular biology and my laundry.
I recently read In A Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. It read like a "how to" book written by a motivational speaker ... not what I was hoping for. But evidently I was in need of some motivation. I liked the authors that the writer cited, and the science that he used to illustrate ideas, so I read with great interest. Before I had finished the book, I even knew who I was going to pass the book on to. One of the big Main Points of the book was that one should be open to opportunity, especially small opportunities that point the way to larger opportunities. In that spirit I responded to a number of small job notices. Yesterday I recieved word that I was offered a remedial science job for high schoolers. I'm already slated to teach Go for two weeks this summer and this job fits perfectly into the two weeks between the Go weeks. It's not going to be easy. I have to learn a lot of molecular biology between now and then. I also have to learn a lot about the state-wide testing system. But it's an opportunity.
The mundane is taking up my mindspace lately. Today feels like an excellent day for ironing. It's coldish and damp and Prairie Home Companion will be on the radio this evening.
I'm keeping my mind away from worry about money. Last week's sermon was on worry and Pastor Martin had a string of great quotations which I'll post here if I can find them. Meanwhile Philippians 4:6 is the best:
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
I avoid tv news and I follow current events with comedy shows - The Daily Show on TV and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me podcasts (NPR). WWDTM is good dishwashing entertainment and it makes me laugh out loud.
Last week I was enchanted by adolescents. Now this week if I see an adolescent, I will probably cross the street. Last week a student's cruelty to another brought me to tears and reminded me of the hurt I inflicted on another kid when I was in the seventh grade. I can remember vividly how mindless my act of cruelty was. (Thanks to the internet I found the kid I hurt had died recently after raising a family and receiving honors at work.) I can also remember the hurts I had at that age.
I picked up some information about playing guitar in other tunings. I guess I'll listen to some music on Pandora today as I do weekend type home chores. If I'm really industrious today, I'll water my three plants.
I left a message on my landlord's phone this morning. No hot water. That is very inconvenient. I'll have to heat bath water in my electric frying pan. Too bad my coffee maker isn't bigger! Well, this will inspire me to get to the pool this week - free shower.
I had a lot of fun with adolescents yesterday. K. bought a friend and I taught her how to play Go while S. trounced K.. S. was being his extremely shy self. The girls were self-conscious and inane ... true seventh graders. In response S. was trying to be mature. I told him that he would have to become self-conscious and inane someday because that was part of getting to maturity.
At game night a man was interviewing on film people sharing reflections on our church. (It is the 300th anniversary of Church of the Brethren.) I made sure that my "Got Fruit?" shirt got into the picture.
An eventful past few days. I was rushed to the hospital yesterday on the recommendation of my school nurse and vice principal. I'd had a stomach bug and felt "faint" after 7th grade lunch duty. While they were calling 911, I was barfing breakfast and lunch and by the time I was riding to the hospital to ruin my son's day, I was feeling fine. 5 hours of tests later the hospital was convinced I felt fine too. I'm grateful that everyone was concerned enough to worry about me.
I used to get out of work by saying "I don't feel well" and then everyone would say "you look pale". That's because I'm naturally pastey and if people focus on it, people can convince themselves that I'm really really ill when I'm not. So yesterday that backfired on me.
Today I was back at work to get get well cards from kids which was nice. I wore my "Tell me I'm cool" button and really enjoyed getting kids to read it and when they told me I was cool I enthusiastically thanked them. This made them smile and for a moment they thought I might really BE cool! After work I went to a county wide picnic for mentors and mentee families. I saw lots of people I know... probably because I associate with really good folks. I really did my walking and standing in line muscles a work out.
Then as I left I realized I was just in time for choir practice which charged me up some. I found out our pleasantly geeky drummer is a seventh grader who loves anime and manga. I said "you're the girl for my grandson". He is really not interested in girls, so K. and I are going to pretend she's a boy (I thought she was a boy when I first saw her) and let him get used to the idea. I'm taking him to my church this Saturday when we're having a board game night and my grandson and I are bringing Go which K. knows how to play!
After music I went to the supermarket to buy a block of swiss cheese for a coworker's birthday tomorrow. I was cheerfully greeted my a seventh grader from my school. Seventh graders can be quite pleasant when they are out of the crowd.
When I got home I got my "Got Fruit?" T shirt which I look forward to wearing on game night!
First a prayer of profound gratitude for the people in my new church. Tonight was when the "praise band" practices. I hauled my guitar and played around with tunings. I haven't played in such a long time, and haven't had so much fun playing for an even longer time. There were a few young children running around and full of laughter. We shushed them when they got too distracting and they would shush. There were four of us playing and a patient husband and a patient mother waiting. I realize that besides the joy of making music I was experiencing patience, simplicity, and security. So I want to pray my gratitude.
I also want to pray, yet again, "I believe. Please help me with my unbelief." I'll be sixty in a few days. I am realizing that I most probably will not be alive in thirty years. None of my future years can be taken for granted. Am I ready for whatever lies beyond this life? Am I truly living my present life?
I so enjoy the sermons of Ray Stedman which have been available on the web for years. I refer to his exposition whenever I've studying a Bible book. Our church is going through Philippians now and what I've read today dovetails with a blog entry I stumbled across yesterday. The web has plenty of attacks on prominent Christians. Yesterday's "find" was attacking a prominent Christian for being polite to the Dalai Lama. In the past I've read sites that attack Stedman as well as every Christian author I've ever read. I wonder who these attackers think they serve?
2:1, 2 "So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any incentive of love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
There are three strategies of the enemy we can infer from this passage. The first one is what we might call the power of negative thinking, the snare of a critical attitude toward others. Do you ever catch yourself picking someone apart flaw-by-flaw? Perhaps you salve your conscience by interjecting the phrase, "Now don't misunderstand me. I think the world of him, but..." and off we go again. What's happened? Well, we're irritated, and unconsciously seeking some justification for not seeing this person again or breaking off relationships, by pointing out all the terrible faults in him that make it necessary. The trouble with this philosophy is that we treat it as though there were no alternatives left to us. You know how this works, don't you?
Paul says that is not true. We say there is no way to reconcile our personality differences. He says that isn't true. We say there is no way we can work together on a level because our spiritual maturity is so much superior to their immaturity. Paul says that isn't true. He says there are resources in Christ which make it possible. Believe me, I know what he is talking about because I've been wrestling with this problem this very week. Paul says you have forgotten something when you think that just finding fault is an excuse to break with them. You've forgotten what you share in Christ. You've forgotten the power of the life of Christ within you to overlook injuries and forgive insults, and be patient with weakness and immaturity. There is an alternative to breaking off diplomatic relationships. You can forget it. You can forbear it, you can bear with him.
Then he says, these are the resources and the ground on which you can do this: "Is there any encouragement in Christ"; that is, is the encouragement of Christ's presence and His example anything to you? Is there any incentive of the Spirit in you to love even the unlovely? Is there any participation in the Spirit of God so that you and the other person have something in common, and you know that God is at work from his end as well as yours? Is there any affection and sympathy for problems the one who is irritating you may be undergoing? Have you looked at it from his point of view? Have you tried to put yourself in his place, and sympathized with the pressures he may be undergoing? Paul says if there is any reality in these things, then act on that basis--not with the harsh, caustic, critical, negative attitude that tears someone apart, but stop that attitude which is one of Satan's best weapons for dividing Christians. Remember these things, which are inevitably true,
Paul is going to say this again in chapter four, verse 8:
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
That is not simply abstract. That has to do with a person. When you are thinking about that person, think this way about them.
I'm not sure I like his writing style and I have disliked the word "deconstruct" for years, since back in the the day when John Barth was called a "post-modern" writer. But I've been impressed with how the topics in this book speak to things that have come up in other areas of my life.
First some quoting that may be of interest to my son who is interested in "spiritual" things. I'm taking out some of the Christian references because he gets squirmy about such things. "...' But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. But he who is spiritual appraises all things.' ... we are called to be spiritual, not in an esoteric sense, but in how we see reality. [author's emphasis] Being spiritual in this sense is coming to see the way God would have us see. Being spiritual means finding one's view of reality in the Spirit of God rather than in one's own flesh."- p.101
And then I want to exclaim to my pastor, who has been preaching about RELATIONSHIPS, that I have been reading a lot about relationships in this book . Here's what I read today: "When the Spirit is seen through a Western worldview, he often becomes an empowering force rather than an intimate friend. Failing to see our relationship with the Spirit in relational terms (marriage. union, intimacy) will typically lead to an impersonal focus on ourselves rather than then God." - p.96
I really like the website too (although us old ladies could be grateful for less pastel font colors)
I'm just squeezing in a little first draft writing time here. Another time of feeling proudly charitable. In 1969, I moved in with a coworker and another guy. An apartment in a very interesting building in Staten Island (Stapleton Station). I was getting ready to quit my job and go live on a commune. Talk about foolhardy! This may have been the most romantic, foolish time of my life so it is loaded with embarrassment. My stuff: I had a Martin 12 string guitar, a trunk which had my clothes and piano music, a bottle of Joy perfume which I bought hot from a coworker, and a bear skin rug. Other tenants: a writer who had written a story about a cat that convinced its owner that the end of the world had come, owners of a Manhattan dance studio, and an antiwar activist who was wanted by the FBI. And there was a guy, I'll call him Leo, who occassionally would burst into the apartment. He didn't live in the building, but he hung around and harassed us. It was a time of self-conciousness about race. People like me tried to maintain at least one black friend. In the case of Leo, folks in our building were maintaining one black criminal. We would not complain about his behavior, because we were doing too much illegal activity ourselves. I first met Leo when I was tripping on acid and going through Timothy Leary's The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead . It was sort of a guide to tripping. I had used it for tripping twice before and was "guiding" my roommates through it this time. We were sitting in the kitchen area when a very dangerous looking black guy with knife burst into the front door. He started to say threatening things and I decided to take things in hand. In my most halucinogen induced enlightened state of mind, I asked him what he needed and what could we give him. I thought I was doing pretty well when he suddenly turned my perception upside down by turning to one of my roommates and demanded to know "Who IS this chick?" Dax introduced me.
This chapter of my life requires quite a bit of description ... and courage to relate. So I'll get back to this later.
I've done a lot of foolish things in my life. A lot. And it's God's grace that I haven't been harmed in the process. I haven't done foolish things for thrills ... I'n really too timid for thrill. The most foolish things have been done in charity. Often involved with inviting someone into my home. Even as I write this, I'm embarassed to describe how naive I have been. I'm going to do it though. As a writing exercise. And I'll probably revise online.
I was 18. Old enough to drink, not interested in voting. My first summer after high school graduation. Like my father before me, I was a camp counselor. I rode a bus home for my mid season break. Somehow I met a sailor at the Port Authority. There's a cliche. He indicated that he needed a place to stay , and being charitable, I invited him to stay at my parent's house. My parents were out of town, leaving me alone no doubt they trusted me. It took me a few hours to get there. We lived had to take the ... train to its end and then ride a bus from Jamaica to the city line where we lived. When we got to the house I gave him my sister's room and said good night. In the middle of the night he woke me up and told me that I was a sweet kid and that he was leaving. I feel sorry for the poor guy. He thought he was going to find sex and all he got was several hours with the New York City transit authority.
In response to another blog (Matt again), I'm posting a report.
My first entry in this blog was about last year's Maundy Thursday. You might enjoy watching the neat video on foot washing I posted there from Youtube.
It took me a whole year, but I finally got the gumption to go to a foot washing at the Community of Joy Worship Center (Church of the Brethren). I was also more familiar with the place and its people. It was called a "love feast" and also included conversation, a meal, singing, communion, and clean up. It was wonderful.
Before I went I was mentally prepared by a slide show.
As I went outside my front door, I saw that nobody had taken yesterday's trash cans back from the street. I had to move one, because I had brought down trash. Then it occurred to me that since I was going to a foot washing I needed to have a servant attitude, so I moved the second one as well.
I arrived a little early so I was offered a seat and another woman came up and introduced herself. It turns out that it was her first love feast as well. She had joined the church this past January.
I sat at a round table with two older couples and one younger, who appeared to have been married a long time. My favorite sort of supper company. It turns out that most of us were present or past school teachers. The older couples were inlaws who told me a corny family joke about their mother having had four and a half dozen children. It took me more than a minute to get it. Ten children - four boys and a half dozen girls - get it?
A trio (including the new lady) sang. The pastor led us in prayer. The congregation sang a mixture of contemporary and old standard hymns using powerpoint displays on the wall. Then we had a simple meal of water, fruit, cheese, nuts, rolls. We enjoyed conversation. The pastor invited us to answer the question "who first helped you to see Jesus?" Scripture was read. (I probably have the order of things mixed up) More prayer. We discussed another question. Then we went over to rows of facing chairs, men on the left, women on the right. There was also a station for hand washing for people who were physically or otherwise uncomfortable with foot washing. The towel was worn as an apron. We sang from hymnals. Two women each had tubs of water and washed the feet of the person next to them. After her feet were washed, she embraced the washer, exchanged blessings and then took the towel and put it on and washed the feet of the next person. I wasn't able to kneel on my fake knees, but I squatted down and the person I was serving raised her feet a little. Music was led as the footwashing was going on and by the last song we'd developed some three part harmony that gave me goosebumps. A very modern American touch: a woman gave us a squirt of waterless antibiotic handwashing liquid when we were done. Then the pastor read from Luke 24 about how Christ was only recognized after he broke the bread at a meal. We responded in a short litany and then had communion. The pastor led us in simple language. The wine was grapejuice and the bread was a cracker which I'm told is an "old traditional brethren unleavened bread (symbolic of the mana God provided)" which we broke with another person and shared. To me, it tasted a little like shortbread. There was some more singing and short discussion about how we might plan to help others see Jesus. Then we got together and cleaned up the tables. By the way, the dishes were washable! I really like this church.
"2/ In speaking against the ways of Christian heretics, the Apostle Peter warned, “This is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the sinful nature and despise authority. Bold and arrogant, these men are not afraid to slander celestial beings; yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not bring slanderous accusations against such beings in the presence of the Lord.” (2 Peter 2:10-11)"
He goes on to say:
"I don’t know about you but to me this suggests that, not only should we treat non-Christians with respect as I have argued elsewhere, but that we should also treat non-Christian gods and goddesses with respect - even though we deny them."
Before Christ drew me to Him, I believed in the Allah of the Baha'i Faith and, later, a hazy "HP" in twelve step programs. Those beliefs kept me away from unhealthy lifestyles that would have killed me before I had found salvation.
So I think it's my job to give a Faith to others, not take it away.
Well, I guess the rumor that Obama is Muslim is finally dispelled!
I had pretty much decided that I was voting for McCain because I'm more concerned about the future of the unborn than the victims of American imperialism. I figure that the war will eventually be dragged to an end, but I am less optimistic about the unborn. So I have planned to vote to give whatever help there can be in reenforcing their right to life. Many years ago I voted against Carter for the same reason.
But. This was a superb speech. It had compassion and intelligence. It was made by someone who would do this country credit as president. It was about race, something people don't often speak about in mixed company. It was about unity. It was made by someone I would be proud to present to the world as our head of state.
Now I wonder. Will my vote help the unborn? Did the "religious right" accomplish anything when it was in power? I would vote for Jimmy Carter in a hearbeat now. We need true compassion and intelligence.
You're obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was "The Sword in the Stone". But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you've focused on women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet Jackie Kennedy.
I suppose I ought to read it, then. And here's another test result that fits me to a T! I knew where it was going when the last question asked me if I preferred "New Orleans" or "the mist".
You're a Gorilla!
Highly social and group-oriented, you like hanging out with the same people constantly. You have either black or gray hair and spend a good deal of time grooming it or getting others to groom it for you. Sleep is a big part of your daily routine and you like to either make very loud noise or no noise at all. You have more skills with language than most, however. One of your absolute favorite drinks is hot cocoa.
first draft I drive a beautiful drive to work in the morning. I see the sunrise, misty pastoral scenes, birds - water fowl, raptors, turkeys, trees in their changes. I drive at the speed limit - it's an exercise in humility. In order to defeat my character traits of defiance and arrogance.
This beauty is a morning gift to make up for the morning news. The father/stepfather of several of my students is arrested for murdering an elderly man who owed him three hundred dollars. The memory of this beauty is a respite from the sound of a coworker repeatedly tell others "he was nothing but a junkyard dog". The aftertaste of this beauty holds me over through contempt and misunderstanding.
This beauty is a free gift that comes in spite of my financial troubles. A free gift that comes despite my sloth and avarice. A daily free gift that comes on days when I have forboding, or sorrow.
I'm told that exercise is an important way to pull out of depression. The catch is that it's hard to get started exercising when I'm depressed. Last week I think I went to the pool once. Today I went. Like pulling my own teeth. But, of course, once I was in the water, I was committed and active. One lady who I exercise with often is a gym teacher, so I bounced ideas off her. She reminded me that I had a stationary bike at home. And I actually don't need to dry clothes on it all the time.
I've had a cold on and off for a few weeks. I haven't played a musical instrument for several months. I earn less money than I spend. And I don't spend much. I haven't seen important relatives for almost two years. I haven't sewn or done any oregami in over a year. I don't feel close enough to anyone to have a rambling telephone conversation. I have lost interest in teaching ESL. I sleep too much.
Yesterday I read a bunch of David Foster Wallace stories. Yes he was a genius. And he has infected my thinking, which is already prone to be divergent. He seems to be driving my head today except for the genius part.
I'll take some pills and think of all the back to back House episodes I've been seeing recently. (I watch it although I'm so annoyed that he uses a cane in a completely fake way)
