Feet on ground

I got my feelings hurt last night ... I was criticized for my guitar playing during last Sunday's service. Someone had said to the leader that it "clashed". I felt like packing up and going home right then, or least quitting forever.
I'm not saying my guitar playing wasn't bad, but I felt that I had put in a huge effort for less than a week's notice. I didn't know what key we were playing in until after Tuesday.
It looks as if things won't change much, so unless I want to continue to put out a huge effort and continue to play badly because I'm not really prepared, I should leave my (very very heavy) guitar at home. 

Then the lead singer suggested everybody not sing except during the choruses... so as not to confuse the congregation. At that point I started to thinking I'll get to sing more if I'm IN the congregation.
I knew that I was feeling like a sorehead, so I tried to make no decisions or proclamations last night. I need to sort out what my participation is about. Not easy. I don't really like the contemporary music as music ... but I do like participating in it. It's great to strum, clap, tap my feet, and sing harmony while worshipping God.

WOW!

Praise band practice tonight involved a new teenager and a man. (Not a bass but good enough!) What a wonderful sound we made! Not like anything we've done before so the congregation will be in for a Sunday surprise. I've often said that my favorite thing was singing duets. I have to revise that now. My favorite thing is singing quartets! This was better than I could have expected for a first time group. Our leader is very talented and worked really well with our newcomers. Same with our piano player. We are really blessed. I have fantasies of us going on the road :-)

When I got home I actually carried my guitar up the stairs. That's enthusiasm!

Back into music

Today I was involved with making church music.  I've been learning a lot ... being with a new denomination introduces me to a new hymnal and going to "contemporary" services exposes me to music I also don't know. I've been studying pretty hard, going to "praise band" practice, and taping music for my car trips.  Unfortunately our musicians, including me, will get burnt out if we don't get advance time for practice.  A musician operates on a couple of levels. There's the kinesthetic stuff where one does the mechanics. After that is taken care of, one can actually listen to the music and convey the spirit behind it. With groups, one has to get used to the others. For example, a song sound better when everyone pronounces the vowels in the same way (which is one reason singers look at each other). It's a lot like sports I think, only it's a new game with each new musical piece. 

Some pastors don't understand the kinesthetic preparation that's needed and they think a musician can just launch into the spirit stuff. It's embarrassing to make a mistake publicly and a musical mistake can be loud and awkward. A soloist can fudge, but a member of the group really sticks out.  If music selections were just a matter of appropriate words, we could just chant poetry instead of singing it.  The "groanings" of the Holy Spirit can teach us that words aren't the only form of worship. So perhaps a pastor could let go of his attachment to the importance of the words to the expense of having time to practice. Just saying. ;-)

While preparing for a song for this morning, I was told I'd be using a mike, but there's be no time to practice with the mike. I said "I've used a mike lots of times". Heh heh. It did not occur to me that I'd never used a mike while holding music. So for the first service, I found I could not see the music where I had to hold it. By the second service I'd figured out where to hold it.

Three of us sang a hymn a capella. I'm told it was the "Mennonite anthem", so I think it's appropriate that we sang a capella.  The congregation's pleasure was palpable. Connie and Jim and I do pretty well staying on pitch. What a pleasant blessing!

Two new people were interested in joining our tiny praise band (average 2.5 people).  I hope we'll get more lead time so we can work better as a bigger group.

Your tax dollars at work- I have one student

Actually I'm not as disgruntled as people usually are about tax dollars. I'm quite grateful to have a job and I hope my ONE student is happy to be having intensive tutoring in biology. She's a really nice kid and deserves the extra attention. 

I'm learning as we go, too. Biology, the science of life, is really really awesome. If this human science can be so complex and beautiful, doesn't it boggle the mind to think about the Giver of Life?

I know I'm listening

... to God when things like this happen. I was waiting in the summer school office and in walked Johnny! I had just been telling someone I would like to see him after all these seven years, but I wouldn't recognize him. So, she knowing this, was able to introduce us. What a treat!

Intentional living

Yesterday's message at church was on "intentional living" and was a tape from Kerry Shook from Fellowship of the Woodlands in Houston TX. It certainly presented a challenge, to the point that the congregation was a bit stunned. The challenging question was: 

What would I do today if I had only one month to live?

My first answer might be not to sleep so much. 

Yesterday I packed my hairless fiddle bow for shipping, made post cards to send to my favorite aunt, and wrote notation for Angel Band. 

I did watch Lawnorder Criminals in Tents for the last hour of the day, which is not good for my spiritual condition. I have been concerned about my spiritual condition because I've been waking up too often with resentments. Last night I did make sure I went to sleep with a prayer on my lips and did wake up feeling better.  No resentments today, but some fear over current difficulties and challenges.

Goodness a week has gone by since the last blog entry. And I have had time ... but filled it well. Forgive me if I'm saying what I've said before. My life may be more of the same on paper. 

I've been putting together flashcards for teaching remedial biology. The students will have 20 hours to relearn or learn about seventh grade and high school biology. The week after their two weeks with me they will retake the HSA biology which is required for high school graduation. (And I thought New York State Regents' exams were tough!) So I figure the best thing I can do is help them bone up on terminology. Hmmm... I do that a lot when I teach math too.

Speaking of math. I have not gotten any invitations to job interviews. Is there a black mark next to my name? Still I feel very strong promise in that direction.

What's on my mind today is how I want to make as much as my church "fellowship" activities as much an outreach activity as possible. That's the idea of music on the porch or eating out at foreign restaurants (besides liking the interesting foods). I suppose that's a recurring theme too.

I mustered enough energy to get to praise group practice last night. And it really charged me up. Not yet, but someday I'll join the group during church. Maybe within the year. I'm really learning a lot. 

Why not stay home on Sunday?

I've been encouraged to think through and write out my "story" of why I go to church. Do I go to church for any reason that I could tell somebody else? Suppose I want to invite my next door neighbor to join us in church. Why would anyone want to come with me? Maybe my understanding why I go would help me understand. This was a One Prayer assignment that was given on Wednesday and now it's rotated off the page. (A reason that that website is very aggravating) But it's taken me all this time to think about it.

I go to church because it's refreshing. When I go to work I feel as if I am subject to judgment. I also feel that way at parties. At church I feel smart enough, good enough, and doggone it, people like me! And I find I like the people I'm with in the same way.

At church I'm with people who are deeply concerned about the state of the world, and not afraid, or shy, or too self-conscious to say so. We either share our sorrows there, or we let go of our petty grievances as we concentrate on the problems of others'. We also share our victories and pleasures. I don't hear any "top this" stories either, although I suppose they have to happen from time to time.

I go to church because it puts my world in order. I need the regular reminder of who is in charge (God) and who is not (me). The attitude of worship does this better than anything. You could tell me God is important, but I don't feel it unless I'M telling God that God is important.

I go to church because I like God, I'm sure He likes me, and it's a great place to affirm that with others who feel the same way. I go to church because I want to please God, and I'm sure He wants me to grow, and it's a great place to grow with others who feel the same way.

My worlds converge!

My son and grandson are big Colbert fans and I've been reading and listening to NT Wright. NTW doesn't seem too comfortable in Colbert's comedy format - maybe nobody told him it was a fake news show. But I'm pleased he was there.

Friend in an old fashioned setting

That's me in the middle ... at least it should be.

I played music with Connie today. Hopefully the first in a series of musical events. Tonight we were on my front porch with fireflies. Weather permitting, it's a great place to meet. And we can attract others as we did tonight. I sure hope we get another musician to sort of "thicken" our sound.

Connie and I prayed for each other to have success in our job searches. Connie's been interviewing. I really would like a job at a particular nearby middle school.

Today I found it easy to be grateful and enjoy God gifts, even in the midst of discomfort.

vegetables

One of my favorite things about living on the eastern shore is the summer vegetables. I picked up my CSA share yesterday and am fortunate (unemployed) enough to have time to sort and clean them for an hour this morning. I've got a few meals worth of wax and green beans, a head of lettuce, 3 medium zucchini, more than a few meals of tiny red potatoes, a bunch of beets and a bunch of young carrots. I plan to juice the beets and carrots (and save the pulp for soup?). All organic. So far, I've found these vegetables to be several times as tasty as those from the store OR from a roadside stand. I'm looking forward to Tomato Time!

Today with one prayer is pray for pastor day, Mr. and Mrs. both.

Tuesday one prayer

Daily Devotion June 17: Fasting Focus: Miracles

Today, Tuesday, I am in prayer and fasting (no meat, no sugar) for my local church's diversity. I pray that our attendance will double and that our racial, economic, and cultural diversity will increase. I pray that we will challenge and excite each other with new insights and understandings. And let this excitement be a testimony to the God who makes this miracle possible.

Today's devotional emphasizes these elements of prayer: Audacity, Accuracy, Action.
The Accuracy reminds me of the teacher thing of making objectives measurable.

One prayer Monday

June 16: What Did God Do in Your Church?

We had communion in spirit. So much so in spirit that I almost forgot the bread and juice which we also shared. We used a video sermon which connected us with the Christian world at large, and members of the congregation pointed out our connection with area churches.

One prayer message

We watched this in this morning's worship service. I thought it was worth posting.

kidneys

I responded to a blog post about the heart being the place where we experience feelings. I commented that I recalled it mentioned as being the kidneys. I was challenged to look it up and I find that I was partly right.

kidneys at seat of emotions

And here's a little commentary by a Christian man who seems to be really into the Klingon language!
mu''a'vo' mu' - A Klingon Word from the Word: Down in my.... Kidney?

And here's a medically oriented article on
The Metaphorical use of "Kidney"

Abstract

While the Syrians and the Arabs viewed the liver as the center of life, the kidneys, in contrast, held a primary place of importance in Israel. In Hebrew tradition, they were considered to be the most important internal organs along with the heart. In the Old Testament most frequently the kidneys are associated with the most inner stirrings of emotional life. But they are also viewed as the seat of the secret thoughts of the human; they are used as an omen metaphor, as a metaphor for moral discernment, for reflection and inspiration. This field of tension in metaphoric usage is resolved under the conception of the kidneys as life center. In the Old Testament the kidneys thus are primarily used as metaphor for the core of the person, for the area of greatest vulnerability. For us today, this metaphorical use of the kidneys has lost its meaning. One reason for its disappearance is certainly the monopoly of causal-analytic rationality in science of today. The kidney has developed from myth to organ, and with this transition a variety of perspectives and ways of looking at knowledge inherent in imaginative thought have been lost. But the metaphor uncovers a deeper level of truth, it represents another form of reconstruction of reality which needs not necessarily be subordinate to the scientific rationality. Today as well, these imaginative ideas can provide an approach to an essential level of reality which may otherwise remain hidden.

My poor friend in the pool

I look forward to seeing my friend in the pool these days. He's gotten less shy and more willing to talk about things that really matter to him. But today I think I blew him away. He made a small comment about developmentally disabled adults having "a free ticket to heaven" and I let him have it with both barrels. Now I didn't want to blow him away ... I just have a raw nerve when one is talking about the salvation of people with cognitive or mental disabilities.

I am a Christian today partly because I was brought to church by people with developmental disabilities. I was even baptized in a pool WITH a disabled woman because I had to stay in the water to hold her helmet. And I've known d.d. adults long enough and well enough to know they are sinners in need of salvation just like the rest of us. Someone saying that someone is "child-like" is simply wrong ... and doesn't know the mind of children very well either.

So I've challenged my fellow swimmer to come up with the Biblical reference. He currently insists that there's a verse about God protecting the feeble minded. Using BibleGateway, I haven't found it.

I guess this mindset angers me so much because it allows folks to forget the cognitively challenged. It also perpetuates the primary importance of being intellectually and theologically correct in one's religious point of view. I take great comfort in knowing that I am saved by Christ even though I'm theologically muddle headed.

BTW we got on the topic because I was saying that I judged a person's character on whether or not the developmentally disabled or the mentally ill in the congregation felt comfortable speaking with them. If I saw B... or T... avoid someone, no matter how sweet the person seemed to be, I figured B or T knew who was genuinely approachable.

One prayer on Thursday

Thursday: How can we pray for each other? Share requests with each other, and lift each other up in prayer.

I think I'll use a church directory - two, from my old church and new.

Request: I would ask everyone who reads this to pray that I can find a job that pays my living expenses.

Wednesday one prayer

Wednesday: What is your One Prayer? If you could pray one prayer for the Church, what would it be?

Before I accepted Christ as my savior, teacher, Lord, and friend, I was sort of a fuzzy new-age pantheist. And before that I was a Baha'i. As I Baha'i, I felt I had the key to world unity and peace. All we needed was for everyone to become Baha'i! I have come to believe that not everyone will agree on a religion. God draws each believer in the way that is right and timely for her. And some will never be believers at all.
Still, my prayer for the Church is unity. Not that we all think the same way. I can see by the one prayer responses so far that we have very different slants. But let's accept the diversity in the Christian body and remember that Christ is the head.

Tuesday's one prayer activity

Tuesday: We will fast together and pray for salvations. Go to the website to write the first name of someone you are praying will come to know Christ.If you can't fast, you might devote an hour to praying for salvations by sacrificing your time from the TV or another activity.

According to Baptist theology, Gareth is saved already, but I'll pray for him anyway.
I also want to pray for Anne, a dear internet friend, and Lena, a neighbor.
I'll fast from sweets, meat, movies and drama.

One prayer activity

Monday: What did God do in your Church? Share what God is doing in your church and celebrate with other believers.

I'm new to my church. I've blogged a lot about good things in my former church, particularly in the diversity of its membership. Today's exercise gives me opportunity to say what I've noticed about my new church. Like with my old church, the good qualities are so natural they are almost taken for granted.

1. Gender equality - Men and women seem to take on equally important roles in the way things are run. There doesn's seem to be any sense of one gender being in charge of the "important" decisions. It helps that we have two pastors of two genders.

2. Naturalness - We have clapping and swaying during musical worship ... not because we are supposed to, but because it seems natural. Some people stand, some people sit, and some people do both when their arthritis acts up. Children act naturally too. We are truly encouraged to dress the way we want to dress. I had balked about an emphasis on "casual" that had been mentioned in the website, but in practice, all modes of dress, up or down, are acceptable.

3. We are blessed with some true servants who make our new worship center a very beautiful, welcoming and comfortable place. These people are hard to identify because they are humble too.