Amazing and Unhappy

If you use Facebook you've probably seen this. (Warning: This was a moment of insight for comedian Louis CK. The other stuff I've seen of his on Youtube is really tasteless.)

Pain and judgment

Tomorrow I hope to drive my car. Sunday I hope to drive to church and then to a school staff "Christmas party" (It's never too late!) But all these hopes are in the air because yesterday I went to Social Services to apply for food stamps and the simple experience of waiting around for a few hours wore me out. I got home at noon and was shot for the day. My wrist was on a pain level of 7/10.

Today I'm feeling much better because I learned a lesson (yet again) that pain pills are meant to be taken early and more often than I would like. My current pain meds are Ultram and Naproxin ... not narcotic or mood altering. The main reason I avoid them is because I'd rather not spend money on them. But too much pain makes me unproductive which is ultimately more expensive.

I also have trouble judging how much activity is good. Even in physical therapy I tend to get over-enthused and pay for it. On the other hand, since I've come home I don't have the good exercise regimen I had at the nursing home. So I'm afraid I might be UNDER doing some activity. Of course from day to day my stamina and strength changes, so I can't beat myself up for lack of judgment.

First outing

Yesterday I went shopping and got out for the first time since Dec.6 (except for Dr. visits via ambulance). My son took me car shopping and I'm very glad he came with me because then the car salesman pitched to him instead of me. I'm very happy with what he picked and sure hope the insurance settlement goes a way toward paying it.
We had Burger King for lunch and went to a very nice sushi place for supper (to make my grandson happy) and then grocery shopping. When I got the velcro boot off at home, my ankle was HUGE, but it got back to normal this morning.


My neighbor brought over the blackberry cobbler I asked her to cook in her oven. MMMMM And this morning Writer's Digest had a wonderful poem by Gary Snyder about how blackberries grow in old logging skidder roads - this evoked very vivid childhood memories for me.

How old am I?

I was telling a friend about David Foster Wallace and she said "Was he middle-aged?" (when he died). I said "Oh, no. He was MY age!" Which made my friend laugh and say "YOU are middle aged." I was shocked at the thought.
Then later I was telling the story to my son and he said "Mom, you're not middle aged, I'M middle aged."

Not so overwhelmed at home

How nice to have a next door neighbor who was willing to bring me a glass of water after I'd taken off my velcro boot to go to bed! It makes me feel a lot less helpless when I am able to accept help from other people. And I've got lots of people who are helpful. With and without help I got a few chores done and don't feel so overwhelmed today.

PS To quote Lena
Thank goodness for unsecured wireless networks!

Overwhelmed at home

There is a very big jump from skilled nursing care and being alone at home. I was definitely ready to leave the nursing home and was the most independent patient there, but I'm feeling very inadequate at home alone. It's hard to find a place to begin sorting things out and hard to decide how to schedule my day. Every little thing is a big deal.

Outta Here

I'll be leaving the nursing home this Saturday afternoon!
I've been practicing walking with a walker and climbing stairs with a cane. Kind friends from church came and cleaned my apartment and have stocked my kitchen!
I don't know when I'll be online. I have to reconnect my cable connection. I'll be out of work for at least two more weeks. So much to do!!

It won't be long now

I went to the doctor yesterday and got permission to use full weight on the boot. Today I climbed and descended on 6 steps. Now I'm trying to figure out how to stay here until Saturday and then be able to leave on that day. That way my son will be available for transportation.

Two folks from church have already cleaned my apartment. So I won't have to face the rotten winter squash that was on the top of the fridge.

The hosptial is mailing me a disk with all my x rays. I'll post them as soon as I can.

I'm hoping to rent a wheelchair for work, and a walker for home. The big chore ahead is shopping for a car.

I still have not mastered the art of patience, but I certainly have had lots of instruction. Since patience is a GIFT of the Spirit I guess I'll have to have patience about receiving it.

I found a really neat selection on secular spirituality in this month's Christianity today

...readers and viewers, often young and outside the church, fashion personal spiriual systems from individual experience and elements of mythic popular culture. Seekers, then, get some answers and taste of transcendence without the moral accountability or costly interpersonal committments of church. But they also forfeit significant checks on the reasonableness of their beliefs, a worthy object of worship, authentic spiritual community, and, most importantly, any ultimately redeptive message or means.

-James Harrick "Sci-fi's Brave New World"

events

Folks of my church community are in prayer for a family that's having a hard time. There seems to be one medical emergency after another in the two generations. Yesterday the mother in the second generation was hit by a car and has suffered some serious injury.

My room telephone number has been changed ... it is now 410-341-5527. I was pretty steamed about the change, but I got over it.

Then I got steamed that my roommate had gotten into my stuff while I was out for therapy. I went to our section office and said that third time was enough for me and that I did not wish to be in her room. Because there is painting etc. going on, they couldn't move her tonight, but they will SOON. Meanwhile, my roommates' wheel chair is posted outside of the nurses's station where they can keep an eye on her.

Connie came and brought a pickle which I scarfed without even savoring it. I was too agitated. After conversation we prayed for Tracy and I felt a little more centered.

My cribbage buddy is going to the hospital for chemo this weekend, so maybe I'll read up on cribbage via Wikipoedia and impress him when he gets back.

Not pinochle

I'm learning cribbage. I was excited because I thought my dad described how my great grandmother played cribbage with my grandfather. Now that I'm on the computer, I looked up Dad's memoirs on my website and now I see that it was pinochle, not cribbage. I guess I'll learn pinochle too.
My roommate and I are in a new room down at the end of the hall. We were moved because there is wallpapering and painting going on. I think we'll have it quieter and there is a little more space.
My regular therapist is back and laid down the law. Back to doctor's orders. No walking.

to sleep, perchance to dream

I'm sleep deprived. Last night my roommate was into "riding" her bed for twenty minute stretches. By that I mean she was using the electric bed raising/lowering controls. I tried to nap yesterday afternoon and I was wakened to report on how many bowel movements I had during that shift.

But here is piece of good news: I was actually WALKING today. I had a different therapist and I told her I didn't want to hop with the walker and she asked me if I could walk woth the walker and I did! I think I'll have no trouble with the stairs, once I get rid of this boot. (picture is on the wrong leg, btw)

Waking up

A few days off oxycodone now and I'm feeling more like myself ... generally a nicer person and certainly more awake. I'm also more anxious now as I am not numbed about my have-to-buy-a-car situation and trying to figure out how mobile I will be at work (maybe I'll need a wheel chair for when I get tired in the afternoons?)
I have gotten around to plow through much of my professional e-mail and I'm thrilled to see that I was replaced (til the end of Feb) which means I'm not expendable.
I'm looking forward to RUNNING out of here. Though a few things I'll miss ... clean linens whenever I want them, getting laundry done often, three nice meals with lots of variety, sleeping til 8 and not rushing when I get up. I look forward to my steel cut oatmeal, good coffee, nobody waking me up for pills or tests, the smells of other people, my computer access, QUIET!!!, seeing kids,...
But don't think I have a clue of when I'm leaving. I'm guessing I'll be here til the middle of the month.

latest news from the nursing home

It's hard to be newsy from a nursing home. Though last week was somewhat newsier than most. I would have kept you posted but the internet was down on the library computers. My roommate sort of went crazy. She was into my stuff a few times and was ranting to invisible people much of the time ... including nights. She also kept trying to crawl down out of her wheel chair, so I was hitting the call button rather often. I was feeling less and less charitable to the point I couldn't stand myself very much.

Two things have changed. I stopped taking oxycodone and switched to the pain med I used to take at home. And my roommate was taken off an antibiotic that was making her act so weird. So I'm feeling more charitable. It's needed here because there are some very disturbed patients. Today I offered to close a lady's door and she said "I'm dressed". Evidently she thought she looked OK in a bikini. More details would be too much information even for the TMI blog.

I also have finally figured out how to get the computer to print (the trick is to use a different computer). And how to use Skype with a mike and headphones. Which I"m going to do right now to call my step mother.

Happy day!

Yesterday was my best day since the accident. For excellent starters I had a SHOWER! Hooray for my excellent CNA (nursing assistant) who was excellently tactful, thorough, patient and kind.

After that I took another WALK on the parallel bars. OK it was really a bunch of hops while supporting myself with my left elbow and right arm. But that is significant progress. Daily exercise is paying off.

A therapist says “EVERYONE progresses” The SORT of progress is what’s important. Significant progress is better than moderate progress.

My roommate’s brother bought me a big jar of kosher dill pickles. A dill pickele is as good a snack as a Three Musketeers’ bar and certainly not as high in sugar. I learned that there is a fridge and a microwave for patients. So if I get another cold I can warm up chicken soup. I’m becoming quite used to my roommate now. It’s nice to have someone to look out for. Since she nods out so often, she keeps me busy using my grabber to pick up pencils and books off the floor and I help the nurses remind her to eat.

Today I’m feeling optimistic about getting back to work in March. I’m dreading having to shop for a car though.

Today was another happy day. Nancy, who has visited before, brought Joyce. Joyce is one of my very favorite people in the world, and I had told Nancy that. Joyce no longer drives and it was especially thoughtful of Nancy to bring her. Among the many wonderful things about Joyce is my experience of her consistent and long term help with the ESL class. She actually started the teaching tradition long before I was involved. Joyce is my service role model.

The swearing in

I'm not sure how to spell inauguration. Great day for me. I went to rehab early so I could watch the inauguration on TV. I took seven steps using the parallel bars using weight on my big left toe. Then I went to my room to watch the inauguration. During Rick Warren's invocation everyone on the floor .. nurses and patients ... were silent. It was a very moving moment. Then during Obama's speech there was lots of cheering.
When I came to the computer room, I heard from a guy from Europe who I used to talk to on Skype. He's moved to England and says everybody's pleased about our new choice of president. That should be no surprise. World opinion was my own major concern in voting.
That's it for today. It's not yet three and I'm tired!

aint behavin'

School professionals are "on" all the time. We are always on task, polite and kind constantly, no matter how we feel.
So as a patient, I am a consumer instead of a provider. And I can misbehave and not get fired. And there are a few patients who give the nursing staff constant grief and the staff is required to give nothing but kindness back. So today I yelled at the guy in the room next to me because he feels that we ALL should be enjoying the same gospel music he has on his TV this morning, just like he thought we All should have been enjoying law and order last night at 2 AM. I went to his room and yelled "Are you hard of hearing sir?" And he shouted "all you do is complain". The nursing staff was in stitches. Reminds me of what I like about peer teaching. Only another student can say "Don't be a ding-a-ling" to another student. Sometimes such comments are needed - nonprofessionally of course.
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Dr. King Day
I'm just about over the cold I've had and it's great to be feeling better. I'm touch typing again with BOTH hands. That's a relief.I told the folks at therapy that I fully intend to watch the live swearing in tomorrow. I cancelled my hair cutting appointment too because I'd hate to say I missed this historic moment because I was having a shampoo. So I'll go one more day looking homely.
I'm remembering watching Kennedy's swearing in. I was in seventh grade in a two room school. Mr. Whitney let us watch the world series too. I know they are watching the inagueration at Pittsville tomorrow (thought doubt they'd watch a world series ;-) I think of my Dad. He would have enjoyed this moment so much!
Well, time to type a to-do/wish list for my son.

a nother world

I so admire people who faithfully visit hospitals and nursing homes. When I leave here, will I be one of those people? Today I had nice visits from Connie and Julia (who brought chocolate covered raisins and nuts.. mmm)

I'm pretty groggy these days and don't accomplish much. I did help teach people to play on the wii today, and had a nice long conversation with a lady who has dementia pretty bad, but who likes converstion. I figure I was helping the nursing staff some by keeping her occupied in one place. I truly enjoy talking with her too.

I'm crawling through Infinite Jest but pretty slowly because even though I really enjoy the book, I keep falling asleep. I fall asleep because of the pain pills. I hope the pain I'm experiencing indicates good muscle work and nothing amiss.

I'm thinking a lot of thoughts and meeting really interesting people who have really intersting situations. Wish I had the accuity to write about them.

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It's been a while. I have had a cold. More later.
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Great visits from church folks. Connie, Karin, Dave...
Also a happy face balloon to tie to my wheel chair and a nice visit from Judy who is in a neck brace and may be out from work herself soon. My coworkers declared a casual day on my behalf and took a nice collection for me!!!

Click here for next blog entry.

Nursing home continued

I ate supper really fast so I could get on the computer. There are two computers and many more users.

The location of the nursing home is on the corner of Civic Avenue and route 50. If you click on the name on the map at the right you'll see a bird's eye view.

As for when to visit? Hard to say. I'm in the dining room at lunch time and at 6 PM usually.

What a treat today! The girl I mentor at my school showed up! It seems her mom works HERE! So she'll be able to visit lots of time and maybe I can tutor her some.

I'm starting to read a great book, but it's too big for me to carry (1,097 pages). I also started folding some origami figures. I'm giving up piano playing for a while ... my hand has been too sore. I learned to get into bed using a sliding board today. whee!

BLood work says I've got great numbers.

Seth and Gareth came for more Uno today.

Fog delay for the return to school. Bet teachers loved that!
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Tuesday
I'm in the computer room looking for origami directions on line. I thought I wouldn't take too long, but find I have to download stuff like pdf reader and flash readers etc.
I continue to get acclimated.
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Thursday
I've been here much too long. I get excited over the meals.
Yesterday they had a Wii bowling game. Great fun.
I'm still either in pain or numbed out.

I am listening to the life story of a lady who was shot excaping from East Germany. Was an olympic swimmer, too.

Time to go to a new blog post!

Nursing Home

I've moved into a nursing home, which I will blog on here.

When I was 18, 19 and 20 I worked in a few nursing homes. Now I'm on the other side of the experience. It's nothing I would volunteer for, but it's not torture either. I have a telephone, thanks to my son, and its number is 410-749-2634. I stay out of my room as much as I can. My roommate plays the TV constantly and loud, she throws food on the floor, and she has very smelly toileting accidents. So far she has only left the room to go to a church service, so I leave often. It could be worse. She could scream all the time and doesn't.

I have access to blogging in the "library" which is a very pleasant room on the far side of the building from mine. I have yet to bring my earphones. When I do, I'll be able to listen to any phone messages left on 410-713-4408, and maybe I can use skype to call long distance.

I'm keeping a list of "pain and sufferings" for possible legal use, but I'll try not to inflict blog readers with them.

This morning, being Sunday, had no physical therapy, so I didn't take a pain pill. Big mistake. I went to the church service in the dining room and had to leave and go back to rest in bed (in a nice quiet room). I had to take two pain pills then instead of the one I should have taken in the first place.

Yesterday I had two visitors from church. One friend came to help a patient with her hair. Meanwhile her husband is home with heart complications after knee surgery. (I just met another woman today with simmilar heart problems after knee surgery and I'm feeling fortunate with my own knees.) My other visitor travelled some distance back home to get me a clock and a box of splenda packets. Having a clock plugs me back into western civilization! I asked her to tell me her life story and she told me a great deal. I enjoyed that greatly! I think I need to take time to hear more about other people. There are so many wonderful stories in the people of my life.

Later my son and grandson came to play UNO. I had great fun because I found a few ways to cheat. They also brought a bounty of chinese food!

The folks I ate supper with last night enjoy singing. We sang "my girl" last night, so I'm going to dig up some lyrics on the web. There's a printer here.

Scroll here for next installment.

hospital

I'm in the hospital ... recently switched to rehab ... i was in a car accident Sat, pick up turned right in front of me, i had no choice but to hit it. Monday had surgery. two broken leg bones, messy, wrist bone, not so messy. more to follow ...

If you haven't guessed already, the car is totaled and my days of driving stick shift are done for. Yesterday it seems as if the push for me to be more independent has slowed to a crawl. I'm under orders to call for a bedpan rather than hop to the commode. Evidently my bones are so much of a mess that any weight bearing activity is dangerous.


My son brought pizza and a movie yesterday ... certainly a treat. Made my blood sugar rise but forgivable. Earlier a visitor came by and fascinated me with anecdotes about pet birds.
A friend is acting as my "private social worker" and was able to assure me that I'll be able to stay here until at least the end of the month. I was also able to get some suggestions for lawyers.

... Monday. I've got a lawyer. No trouble trusting him since I've known him for about ten years. He will come to visit tomorrow afternoon. he suggests that my son take pictures of me, ugly bruises etc. One of the teachers that I assist came by this evening. I'm so grateful to know so many people who are so generous with time and concern. Especially in this very busy month.

I'm hoping I'll learn more patience because it's my impatience which gives me the most pain.



... update Dec. 16
I'm feeling so blessed in a laid up, banged up sort of way. My therapy sessions were good .. I didn't misbehave and I worked hard ... feeling the burn. Then suddenly I got moved to a new room! It's private and has more room for my equipment. And visitors no longer have to sit on the commode .. I've got a few chairs. My lawyer came by and made me feel that things would wind up OK .. a long time down the road, but OK. Then came Dave the good singer from church. It's nice to have the time to better know people I know by sight.

NEW ROOM NUMBER 3128
NEW PHONE 410-219-1329

Tomorrow, I hope to get things together to wrap presents during occupational therapy. When people are fretting about Christmas preparations, I think I might win the prize. I won't even be able to go home for weeks and weeks. But I had done most of my "shopping" before Thanksgiving.

Dec. 17
I still haven't wrapped presents. I missed OT because of intestinal cramps. But I think I haggled myself permission to use the commode with non-therapist staff.
Huge news of the day is that I have more surgery coming up on Friday. Good new is that it should not set me back to square one on recovery. There a lot of misplaced bone fragment near the achilles tendon that would cause arthritis later. Dr. wants to "smush" them into the right place. Smush is a medical term.
My son brought me some clothes and spread my great get well and Christmas cards around. It really cheers me up to see them.


Dec. 18
here is a call for help. I have a whole lot of forms to fill out and could use some help doing the pen work. PT and oT have just about wiped me out today.




This afternoon the therapy folks brought cookies to my room. They didn't have to do that and could have insisted I take the wheel chir to them. So I am thrilled and have a twinge of good ol American traditional Christmas spirit. Maybe all Ebineezer Scrooge needed was a cookie. God Bless us! Every one!

dec 19 Operation today. I'm back in the tcu with the private room. dr has clout.

Dec. 20 Last night's pain was the worst I can remember, but then we don't really remember pain do we? Today the Kim's brought me some wonderful noodles. Korean food is both hearty and healthy. I also had visits from the Replogles, my "designated social worker" Connie, and a call from my vice principal. My pastor drove all the way to Pittsville to deliver a present to my mentee, who was delighted. I feel so very well cared for.

Dec. 21 - actually it's 4 AM on the 22nd. I am not in pain! and I asked my nurse what pain medicines I've had since early afternoon and he said I haven't had any. Yesterday was full of progress. Finally I got my hair washed. A nice guy from OT did it. My PT person gave me great help with the wheel chair and good exercise too. I have so much strengthening to do. I had great visitors! Gareth and Seth came by, Melesa and Rob Canfield, Judy Meyers brought real flowering camelias, Julia brought me goodies that included gingerbread and the flavor of Christmas, and Connie brought me a violin motif arrangement. By the time Carol Replogle called to check in, I had gone to bed early.

i had asked to transfer to my bed after i had finished lunch. thy said i had to wait half an hour after eating. i asked if i was swimming. they didn't like that comment and i had to wait over an hour. i hate silliness. it was the first meal i'd had out of bed.

Today I am determined to work on personal stuff. I am feeling overwhelmed about it already. My son has been looking for my car title stuff. My car was paid for more than 4 years ago and I have nice folder - somewhere.
Memo to self - ask Connie her life story.

later...My grandma was proposed to on the longest night of the year - the winter solstice. So it was neat to share that info with my OT who had a new big diamond and was walking on air today.

I did a good bit of phone work and learned where I would be next, and found out my health insurance premium payments during my unpaid leave were about 1/10 what I had expected. What good news!

My wheel chair stamina - sitting and rolling - just about doubled today.

Dec. 23 - father's birthday and i remember interviewing my grandmother about the blessed event. Martha Usilton brought a poinsettia that has a rather unique kind of red, looks painted on. Joni brought me envelopes and stamps. Carol R. called and we talked about all sorts of stuff, shared family histories. Good day for exercise, went to bed early again, but got up early for starters. Gareth and Seth came by. Seth and I are urging Gareth to take some sabbath time.

Dec. 24 - I got a call from my cousin - a son of the other twin in the picture. It has been a good day. Did paperwork while listening to lute music on Pandora. Next month I'll be roughing it - no way to plug my computer into the net. The place has a room that has some desktops, so i may blog a bit. Catch up reading here I come. Looks like I'll be back in a tiny space again.

Dec.26 - If one can be considered busy while moving in slow motion that's me today. I washed labels over the coffee cups I gave to the therapy staff (along with fair trade coffee which I, in turn, bum in the morning). My son found my car title (in a box labeled old files) and I made some progress toward getting a new car. Now I've got my legs up in bed and am watching House.

Dec. 28 - Morning finds me not so much full of self pity as annoyed or disgruntled. I'm tired of waking up with casts immobilizing my left side and unable to wash parts of my body or go to the toilet without company. I also can't find ways to be more independent except to keep developing my muscles.

I'm grateful for the cheerful crew in morning therapy and the coffee they make (Union Victoria Guatemalan coffee!). Maybe we're all cheerful because we're all taking Oxycontin, but it's nice to be social. I'm not a terribly social person at work, but I miss the interaction I have.

Someone taught me a neat card trick yesterday. I spent much of yesterday trying to figure out the math behind it. Started to make a spread sheet to show the possibilities. Writing functions helped me see the relationships. I think what made the trick seem so amazing is that there are both ordinal and cardinal numbers to consider.

I got to show the card trick to a nurse a then to a fourth grade teacher friend (who brought oranges!). If you wish to see it, bring a deck of cards when you visit.

I'll be working on origami projects in the coming month.

As I write this I'm hoping to see a friend who's just had knee surgery. Also praying for his recovery.

I'll be moving to the Salisbury Center nursing facility (known as Genisis) tomorrow, New Year's Eve. I am in 517 (which is as far away from the computer room as can be).
It's time to close this blog entry and start a new one called "nursing home". Click here to continue.