hospital

I'm in the hospital ... recently switched to rehab ... i was in a car accident Sat, pick up turned right in front of me, i had no choice but to hit it. Monday had surgery. two broken leg bones, messy, wrist bone, not so messy. more to follow ...

If you haven't guessed already, the car is totaled and my days of driving stick shift are done for. Yesterday it seems as if the push for me to be more independent has slowed to a crawl. I'm under orders to call for a bedpan rather than hop to the commode. Evidently my bones are so much of a mess that any weight bearing activity is dangerous.


My son brought pizza and a movie yesterday ... certainly a treat. Made my blood sugar rise but forgivable. Earlier a visitor came by and fascinated me with anecdotes about pet birds.
A friend is acting as my "private social worker" and was able to assure me that I'll be able to stay here until at least the end of the month. I was also able to get some suggestions for lawyers.

... Monday. I've got a lawyer. No trouble trusting him since I've known him for about ten years. He will come to visit tomorrow afternoon. he suggests that my son take pictures of me, ugly bruises etc. One of the teachers that I assist came by this evening. I'm so grateful to know so many people who are so generous with time and concern. Especially in this very busy month.

I'm hoping I'll learn more patience because it's my impatience which gives me the most pain.



... update Dec. 16
I'm feeling so blessed in a laid up, banged up sort of way. My therapy sessions were good .. I didn't misbehave and I worked hard ... feeling the burn. Then suddenly I got moved to a new room! It's private and has more room for my equipment. And visitors no longer have to sit on the commode .. I've got a few chairs. My lawyer came by and made me feel that things would wind up OK .. a long time down the road, but OK. Then came Dave the good singer from church. It's nice to have the time to better know people I know by sight.

NEW ROOM NUMBER 3128
NEW PHONE 410-219-1329

Tomorrow, I hope to get things together to wrap presents during occupational therapy. When people are fretting about Christmas preparations, I think I might win the prize. I won't even be able to go home for weeks and weeks. But I had done most of my "shopping" before Thanksgiving.

Dec. 17
I still haven't wrapped presents. I missed OT because of intestinal cramps. But I think I haggled myself permission to use the commode with non-therapist staff.
Huge news of the day is that I have more surgery coming up on Friday. Good new is that it should not set me back to square one on recovery. There a lot of misplaced bone fragment near the achilles tendon that would cause arthritis later. Dr. wants to "smush" them into the right place. Smush is a medical term.
My son brought me some clothes and spread my great get well and Christmas cards around. It really cheers me up to see them.


Dec. 18
here is a call for help. I have a whole lot of forms to fill out and could use some help doing the pen work. PT and oT have just about wiped me out today.




This afternoon the therapy folks brought cookies to my room. They didn't have to do that and could have insisted I take the wheel chir to them. So I am thrilled and have a twinge of good ol American traditional Christmas spirit. Maybe all Ebineezer Scrooge needed was a cookie. God Bless us! Every one!

dec 19 Operation today. I'm back in the tcu with the private room. dr has clout.

Dec. 20 Last night's pain was the worst I can remember, but then we don't really remember pain do we? Today the Kim's brought me some wonderful noodles. Korean food is both hearty and healthy. I also had visits from the Replogles, my "designated social worker" Connie, and a call from my vice principal. My pastor drove all the way to Pittsville to deliver a present to my mentee, who was delighted. I feel so very well cared for.

Dec. 21 - actually it's 4 AM on the 22nd. I am not in pain! and I asked my nurse what pain medicines I've had since early afternoon and he said I haven't had any. Yesterday was full of progress. Finally I got my hair washed. A nice guy from OT did it. My PT person gave me great help with the wheel chair and good exercise too. I have so much strengthening to do. I had great visitors! Gareth and Seth came by, Melesa and Rob Canfield, Judy Meyers brought real flowering camelias, Julia brought me goodies that included gingerbread and the flavor of Christmas, and Connie brought me a violin motif arrangement. By the time Carol Replogle called to check in, I had gone to bed early.

i had asked to transfer to my bed after i had finished lunch. thy said i had to wait half an hour after eating. i asked if i was swimming. they didn't like that comment and i had to wait over an hour. i hate silliness. it was the first meal i'd had out of bed.

Today I am determined to work on personal stuff. I am feeling overwhelmed about it already. My son has been looking for my car title stuff. My car was paid for more than 4 years ago and I have nice folder - somewhere.
Memo to self - ask Connie her life story.

later...My grandma was proposed to on the longest night of the year - the winter solstice. So it was neat to share that info with my OT who had a new big diamond and was walking on air today.

I did a good bit of phone work and learned where I would be next, and found out my health insurance premium payments during my unpaid leave were about 1/10 what I had expected. What good news!

My wheel chair stamina - sitting and rolling - just about doubled today.

Dec. 23 - father's birthday and i remember interviewing my grandmother about the blessed event. Martha Usilton brought a poinsettia that has a rather unique kind of red, looks painted on. Joni brought me envelopes and stamps. Carol R. called and we talked about all sorts of stuff, shared family histories. Good day for exercise, went to bed early again, but got up early for starters. Gareth and Seth came by. Seth and I are urging Gareth to take some sabbath time.

Dec. 24 - I got a call from my cousin - a son of the other twin in the picture. It has been a good day. Did paperwork while listening to lute music on Pandora. Next month I'll be roughing it - no way to plug my computer into the net. The place has a room that has some desktops, so i may blog a bit. Catch up reading here I come. Looks like I'll be back in a tiny space again.

Dec.26 - If one can be considered busy while moving in slow motion that's me today. I washed labels over the coffee cups I gave to the therapy staff (along with fair trade coffee which I, in turn, bum in the morning). My son found my car title (in a box labeled old files) and I made some progress toward getting a new car. Now I've got my legs up in bed and am watching House.

Dec. 28 - Morning finds me not so much full of self pity as annoyed or disgruntled. I'm tired of waking up with casts immobilizing my left side and unable to wash parts of my body or go to the toilet without company. I also can't find ways to be more independent except to keep developing my muscles.

I'm grateful for the cheerful crew in morning therapy and the coffee they make (Union Victoria Guatemalan coffee!). Maybe we're all cheerful because we're all taking Oxycontin, but it's nice to be social. I'm not a terribly social person at work, but I miss the interaction I have.

Someone taught me a neat card trick yesterday. I spent much of yesterday trying to figure out the math behind it. Started to make a spread sheet to show the possibilities. Writing functions helped me see the relationships. I think what made the trick seem so amazing is that there are both ordinal and cardinal numbers to consider.

I got to show the card trick to a nurse a then to a fourth grade teacher friend (who brought oranges!). If you wish to see it, bring a deck of cards when you visit.

I'll be working on origami projects in the coming month.

As I write this I'm hoping to see a friend who's just had knee surgery. Also praying for his recovery.

I'll be moving to the Salisbury Center nursing facility (known as Genisis) tomorrow, New Year's Eve. I am in 517 (which is as far away from the computer room as can be).
It's time to close this blog entry and start a new one called "nursing home". Click here to continue.

Waiting

One of my favorite bloggers remarked on the events of a few days ago, black Friday, as an instance of the need for waiting, and specifically, waiting on God.  I've never understood Black Friday, maybe because I'm an INTJ which classifies me as highly independent and an introvert. "Hey let's go join a huge crowd and buy what everyone else wants." No thanks. But the importance of waiting applies to me as well. I would like to be relieved of pain yesterday. I feel I have a right to eat sweets every day.  I want my friends and family to be immediately enthused about my ideas.  I want my students to follow my directions the first time -- actually that's one of my classroom rules which I would find hard to give up ... it prevents me from doing the broken record thing.

Psalm 37:

7 Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. 8.Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.

Today I have gratitude for the music teacher who taught me to sing that psalm in a song, O Rest in the Lord from Mendelssohn's Elijah. And thanks as well, to Mendelssohn who also wrote the melody for "Hark the Herald". Which takes me around the circle to the words of the great satirist Tom Lehrer

Hark the herald tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!

As with many of Lehrer's topics, over the years they have worsened into tragedy.

Thank you President Carter

An email friend tells me about her day of giving - items for a needy family and quilts for young mothers. And I'm thinking about the wonderful paradox that one's generosity increases one's own gratitude.

I have a quilt made by my great grandmother. It's pretty raggedy and perhaps I should find a way to get it mended, but it's so very comfortable and reminds me to be grateful for the family line that passed it to me.

I'm watching an old Charlie Rose interview with President Carter in 1999 - Carter unswerving in his love for the Bible teachings and his efforts for peace. He sees no difference between peace between individuals and peace between nations. A truly great man I am grateful for.

So there's my gratitude list for this evening- three people who I never met but who have had a wonderful impact on my life.

Lest we forget

Lest we forget.

I remember when I heard this live on WBAI before it had been recorded. Yeah, I'm old.

Morning gratitude

I really don't feel all that grateful this morning.  I had even forgotten that I intended to. I'm just feeling the general confusion of the morning of an unstructured day. I thought I do just one thing on the computer this morning before going back to sleep, but found myself again wandering around in cyberspace until I didn't feel like sleeping anymore. 

Fortunately my email had a blog comment to moderate and that reminded me of what I wrote yesterday. So that's gratitude number one. And having an unstructured day is gratitude number two. Which leads to me a thought of house cleaning so I won't be embarrassed when Ed comes to pick up my exercise bike to add to the school gym - so I'm grateful to have a coworker as pleasant and quietly witty as Ed ("I don't think anyone can describe me as 'rousing'"). And grateful that Bob hauled up my laundry bags yesterday and played my piano while he waited for his wife and didn't even look at the mess. And glad I can go swimming instead of using the exercise bike which I use as a clothes rack to dry my swim clothes. I'm starting to lose count now.

Grateful

I went to help out with the free Thanksgiving dinner that was offered by the three denominations on our block - Church of the Brethren, Lutheran, and Seventh Day Adventists. There were more helpers than there were eaters! Folks are saying that next year they should publicize more.

I did get in some friendly conversations and saw a guy from 12 step programs I haven't seen in a few years. He has some sort of mental disability that I can't identify ... seems to show very little affect and it's hard to understand his talking ... but he's sharp and thoughtful and once one can get through the talk problem, he's very pleasant to talk with.
He's not homeless, but certainly hard up and hits every free meal in town. He was telling me that the reason most people get kicked out of Christian Shelter was because they didn't want to sit through devotionals. He said "if that's the rule, I don't see why they can't do at least that little bit." I feel like that's the problem some of my high school students have ... it seems like they almost go out of their way to break some of the rules ... and some will be the homeless of the future.
Here's an article that encourages me to write a daily gratitude list. So what better day to start than today?
I'm grateful that I was taught to read.
I'm grateful to have drinkable water.
I'm grateful to live in a temperate climate.
I'm grateful that heat is included in my rent.
I'm grateful to have a childhood friend living nearby.

The picture above is of Kirk Douglas, I liked the picture before I knew it was of him. Now I like it even more.

Talking back in church

This topic has come up a few times in my recent life. I didn't realize it was special, but my current church "allows" talking during the Sunday worship service and that's pretty radical. Check out this posting on Christopher Webb's blog. (Webb's the new Renovaré president)

My retired pastor tells us how he will vote

Here's what he sent out in e-mail ... and not just to people who agree with him:

For the first time in years I’ve decided to tell people how I plan to vote in the coming election and why.

I have followed the race with some interest since early I the primary season. I discovered that some I initially favored had views with which I disagreed, so I dropped them. Others I thought I could support were knocked out in he early primaries.

When McCain and Obama were either nominated or the obvious choice of their party, I went back and forth between the two for some time. Both were strong candidates with good qualities and some qualities that were not so good (in my opinion). One particular quandary was my views regarding Iraq. I opposed the war, thought no good case had been made for it, thought a pre-emptive attack without overwhelming evidence was not good public policy. I feared it would give future enemies a rationale for a pre-emptive attack of their own, or be used by radicals to defend what they had already done. It appeared to me that if everything we had been told was true (and certainly some things were doubtful even before the first shot), it was not sufficient to attack Iraq. When we did attack I told the office staff (all of whom hardily supported the attack) ‘I hope we find so much evidence of Weapons of Mass Destruction that it will be obvious even to the greatest doubter.’

However, once we had invaded, we had to make it work. We had to stay until we achieved some kind of stable, democratic government. We had destabilized the entire region, created a haven for al-Qaida that had not existed before, provided an encouragement for many to join them, and precipitated a civil war. Once we got into that, I felt we had to do whatever was necessary to make it work and to re-stabilize the country and region. I wasn’t sure ‘The Surge’ would do it, but we needed to do something other than we were doing to bring some semblance of order out of the chaos. If you have followed me to this point, you understand that I am saying that I thought Obama was right initially about entering the war, but McCain was right about ‘the surge’ once the war had been started.

So, for whom do I vote? I wasn’t sure and went back and forth between them. I had some natural inclination toward McCain since I have been registered as a Republican since 1964, long before it was popular to be a Republican. I also had some inclination toward Clinton and Obama since I think we (the US) has a rather poor record in dealing with sexism and racism. And, of course, as a Christian there is always a recognition that God is at work around us and I want to join Him in what He is doing. So, I kept going back and forth between the two.

When Obama nominated Biden, I felt many of my concerns about Obama and foreign policy issues were lessened. When McCain nominated Palin, I thought it was a fascinating move. I knew nothing about her, was suspicious of what experience governing Alaska provided, but was greatly impressed by her acceptance speech. I talked with a friend with family in Alaska and got a very favorable report about her. So, still I was bouncing back and forth between the two.

Several things happened to push me to Obama.
1) It became apparent there was a major financial crisis unfolding. I watch CNBC (a business channel) which debated the ‘bail out’ proposal. There were positive and negatives. There were things they thought should be added and some they thought should be dropped. Most of the things I didn’t understand. But there was a crisis and something needed to be done quickly. The initial basic proposal came from a Republican administration, surely they would support their own. I watched in dismay the day the vote was taken as Republicans voted ‘no’ and the stock market dropped and I declared, ‘if they are such ideologues that they are going to vote ‘no’ on this then they don’t deserve to be in office.’ A week later they voted in favor of essentially the same bill, but now loaded with ‘pork’ and I found my disgust reaffirmed.

2) I think it was the day of the original vote on the ‘bailout’ package that the vice-presidential debated occurred. I had looked forward to it. After the debate I said to Gail, “I’ve heard ‘oh my gosh’ and ‘gee whiz’ enough to last a lifetime.” The thought of Sarah Palin being next in line for the president behind a person who would be older than anyone at their first inauguration was terrifying.

3) I receive emails from a wide-range of people, much wider than I am send this reflection. (This is going only to my immediate family and a few people whose opinion I value.) Some of those anti-Obama emails were so hostile, negative, overdone, and untrue that in my opinion they constituted ‘hatemail.’ Since most of them were supportive of McCain and opposed Obama, it pushed me further toward Obama. (Maybe that makes me more ‘mavericky’ then the mavericks.)

4) I listened to the debates and paid special attention to the discussion of health insurance. I found McCain’s approach to be very bad. Some six years or so ago Immanuel had health insurance on Gail and me through the denomination. It was not a Cadillac. It had no dental and no vision. It was a traditional 90/10, 80/20 co-pay depending on whether you used a network provider or not. The network was not robust and I needed to travel 35 miles (plus or minus) for at least one test. That policy cost the church over $17k a year some six years ago because we were in our late 50s! As a result we took Gail off my policy and eventually I was covered by her’s at school. Under McCain’s proposal some $12K of that cost would be considered taxable income. It wouldn’t raise my income or benefits, it would only raise my taxes! I suppose I would have to pay not only income tax on the money, but social security as well. Since a pastor is considered self-employed for the purposes of Social Security (that is I pay both the employers and employees portion) the cost of McCain’s plan would cost at least an additional $2,000 in taxes. By the way, I was never in a high bracket. McCain says he would tax the benefits on pricey policies by rich people. No. What he would do is tax older people. Any figures he quotes for an average is unnaturally low because of the age.

So for the above reasons and since I don’t hear the LORD vetoing my decision, I will vote for Barack Obama next week. If you support McCain you really don’t have to worry. My support amounts to the kiss of death. Since 1964 I have voted in every presidential election. To this point only two men for whom I have voted have been elected. Both of those were impeached! So don’t worry. Or, maybe we should all worry.

Thanks for taking time to read my missive. Woody

My response is

what he said!!

I had to reprint this poem

If you subscribe to Garrison Keillor's Writers' Almanac, you've already read today's gem. There's something to be said for reading a bit of poetry every day.

Warnings

by David Allen Sullivan
A can of self-defense pepper spray says it may
irritate the eyes, while a bathroom heater says it's
not to be used in bathrooms. I collect warnings
the way I used to collect philosophy quotes.

Wittgenstein's There's no such thing
as clear milk rubs shoulders with a box
of rat poison which has been found
to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Levinas' Language is a battering ram—
a sign that says the very fact of saying,
is as inscrutable as the laser pointer's advice:
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.

Last week I boxed up the solemn row
of philosophy tomes and carted them down
to the used bookstore. The dolly read:
Not to be used to transport humans.

Did lawyers insist that the 13-inch wheel
on the wheelbarrow proclaim it's
not intended for highway use? Or that the
Curling iron is for external use only?

Abram says that realists render material
to give the reader the illusion of the ordinary.
What would he make of Shin pads cannot protect
any part of the body they do not cover?

I load boxes of books onto the counter. Flip
to a yellow-highlighted passage in Aristotle:
Whiteness which lasts for a long time is no whiter
than whiteness which lasts only a day.

A.A.'ers talk about the blinding glare
of the obvious: Objects in the mirror
are actually behind you, Electric cattle prod
only to be used on animals, Warning: Knives are sharp.

What would I have done without: Remove infant
before folding for storage, Do not use hair dryer
while sleeping, Eating pet rocks may lead to broken
teeth, Do not use deodorant intimately?

Goodbye to all those sentences that sought
to puncture the illusory world-like the warning
on the polyester Halloween outfit for my son:
Batman costume will not enable you to fly.

"Warnings" by David Allen Sullivan from Strong-Armed Angels. © Hummingbird Press, 2008.

Our pastor has been preaching on James and this is the week that we came to:

James 5
1Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. 2Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. 3Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. 4Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. 5You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.[a] 6You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you.
7Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. 8You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. 9Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!
10Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

So very much for the times we are in!

But we have been reminded by friends visiting Guatemala that it isn't just some other guys who are rich, but it's everyone that was in the church building this morning. I have a refrigerator. I have hot water coming out of a faucet. I have a toilet that always works. I sleep in safety. I have a car.

Yesterday my landlord raised my rent. But I must add that he raised it for the first time in ten years from a ridiculously low rent rate to a less ridiculously low rate.

In lieu of church

Perhaps because of the change in seasons, my back is hurting. The kind of pain with pangs that feel like electric shocks. Or maybe I spent to long in bed taking a lazy day of rest yesterday. If that's the case the irony is that now I HAVE to lie down. I've got a stack of things to read, so I'm far from bored.

Yesterday I read a bunch of David Foster Wallace stories. Yes he was a genius. And he has infected my thinking, which is already prone to be divergent. He seems to be driving my head today except for the genius part.

This evening I AM going to make it to the "Love Feast" at church. That's the semi-annual foot washing which I found so meaningful in the spring. Pain or no pain.

I'll take some pills and think of all the back to back House episodes I've been seeing recently. (I watch it although I'm so annoyed that he uses a cane in a completely fake way)

I felt like looking at pictures of my great grandmother this morning. I was comparing myself with pictures of her at my age (60). She lived to be 90. She had much better health than I do, but I think I'm a lot like her. My dad wrote the linked description when he was in his fifties.

I also enjoyed this.

In passing

One of the great people of my parents' and my generation died yesterday. I have no words.

a letter to my coworkers

Dear co-workers, Dear teachers that I am assistant for,

       Today I've been appreciating how great it is that you have so much diversity in your little team. You are each so different and yet so strong as teachers. Our students are really fortunate to have you for a year (or two). You show them how to love the disciplines you present and you show them with kindness - the kindness that teachers show that is so rare in other parts of our world.

        I also appreciate how you use your human resources ... the assistants and aides and interns that come your way. What a three ring circus you face every day. You are truly gifted with your patience and the ability to think of several things at once. Sometimes, like today, I just have to reflect in awe.

         Finally I marvel at how well you work as a team, without losing your individuality. It's great to be working with you.

Update

It's not from lack of thoughts, but more from lack of energy that I haven't blogged. I'd say lack of time, but I've had time to sleep, so I have had time. But what time I've had available has been spent gathering up energy for the next day.  I've absolutely no down time at work and I miss that. I got my new office all decorated and now I have very little time in it. I guess the upside is that I won't mess it up!

I've been teaching business math at evening school on Mondays and Tuesdays and I spend some hours preparing. If I teach it again, it will take less time because right now I'm getting acquainted with the material, the administration and the grading system. I'm hoping that this will be a door into a better paying job.

I wore a blister onto a toe last week and that really messed me up. I had to go see a doctor, but it was OK, uninfected and I was doing what I was supposed to do for it. I don't regret taking the time to see the doctor because if something gets worse, she's already seen it and can deal with it over the phone. Speaking of the doctor, it's time to fill up the pill boxes. Another time consuming chore.

Our new school year

I tried to embed this video, but was not successful.
The man giving the introduction is a former music teacher, our new county school superintendent!!!
Between our new school principal and our new superintendent, I'm a pretty happy employee. Now if I could make enough money to pay my bills....

Special people

Yesterday I drove to Rehobeth to visit with a friend who was visiting there. I still have a big smile on my face from the experience. 

I first met Dick about 15 years ago at an art/math conference which he attended with his friend Derwood, a musician. We sat together during lectures and wrote notes and behaved like middle school students and promised each other that we were "best friends". He showed me a flexible geometric construction he'd patented and told me of some museum exhibits he'd thought of.  I was enthused about the construction and was doubtful about the exhibits (which he later proved me wrong about). 

Months later he collaborated with me at making "holey-spheres", something I'd vainly hoped I could make money with, but found pleasure in nevertheless. Dick worked tirelessly to develop his "string thing" and eventually it evolved into a toy that sold well in the mass market.  After developing a few more toys, I guess he'd be described as a toy maker. But I think he's really an artist. 

When I have visited him and his wife at home it's always been a magical time. I've known him through three homes: an east village apartment, a country cottage in New York state, and a house in Pittsburg. His home is always filled with fascinating creations - art and toys, objects to explore and explore with. He has stuff hanging on trees in his yard.

I always enjoy being with his wife and he tells me that all his friends feel that way with her. She has a way of tuning into what's important to you and facilitating a lively conversation. She's a kind-hearted person and a superb hostess too.

Yesterday I got to see Derwood again who brought a neat lady friend and the bunch of us, along with Eileen's niece, lounged around Eileen's sister-in-law's house and just talked about anything. I can't remember all the topics, but the range was enormous, amusing, informative and interesting. Dick and Eileen don't have children of their own, but they seem to have a strong sense of family.  They are close to their blood relatives and they are loyal and caring with their diverse friends. I feel so lucky to be in that category.

'Mater Mania

If you follow the little river that runs through our town and go toward its mouth to the Chesapeake Bay, you'll pass some towns that have been there since before the revolutionary war and that are still populated by descendants of Native Americans and early immigrants. In recent years many others have moved in looking for rural quiet. One group being some organic farmers. These farmers provide the local vegetables I "subscribe" to in a CSA. Today there was an annual tomato festival, the proceeds go for charity (providing vegetables for income people - hey that's ME) and I went to volunteer and to pick up tomatoes for ratatouille and buy a sandwich. 

The sandwich was awesome. Why didn't I think to put basil in one before?

The lady in charge didn't have anything for me to do, so I spent the three hours people watching and socializing. The weather was beautiful, the river was beautiful, and the people were interesting. In another life I should make a living talking to strangers.

Well I'd better go cut up some tomatoes.

Washing the stairs

With our recent cooler weather and my last week before going back to full time work, I've been doing some cleaning that I haven't done in years. I have been cleaning the common areas of my building. 

Someone else is paid to do this, but my landlord is a softie and won't "retire" the lady who is definitely too old and probably too infirm for the job, so if it gets done at all, it gets done poorly. I don't complain because my landlord hasn't raised my rent since I moved here and so I'm grateful my landlord is a softie. And I'm pretty old and infirm myself.

So back to the cleaning. I've scrubbed the landing and have scrubbed half of the stairs. Today I hope to finish the stairs. Four years ago I scrubbed all but the bottom four stairs (They remained for contrast). Since then I've had two knee replacements and my kneeling days are over. And until my surgery, I was a hands and knees sort of cleaner. It's the only way I can do a good job. So now I'm a stand and bend or sit and bend cleaner.

Nobody has done the stairs since four years ago, so you can imagine what they're like. A bucket of cleaning water does no more than four steps. Yesterday I did nine steps (stretched one bucket to five). 

I'm feeling so grateful that I am feeling well enough to do this. Did my apartment floors too this week. And the thing is that I'm feeling better and better as I go along.

Update - done with the stairs! Recommended music for cleaning.

Great weather

All my cells are happy. The temperature is reasonable and they are in homeostasis. I'm afraid I'm like the person in the Bible who is tossed to and fro on waves ... I don't sustain moods or resolve very well. Is it all dependent on the temperature and air pressure? Well, I'm glad I live in a temperate climate area. I'd be mighty grumpy in some other biomes. But here I'm so grateful for the beauty of deciduous trees, plentiful clean water, and comfortable nights.

I survived five short VBS sessions of working with preschoolers without killing anyone or even making someone cry. I didn't do well at it ... my memory was completely shot because I was so nervous and that's the first thing to go. Note to self: don't go into acting. 

Next year - origami

Yesterday my "SummerScholar" course for gifted students concluded. I was teaching the game of Go and threw in some origami for variety. The kids responded very positively. But if I want to work in the program next year, I've got to come up with something different because Go doesn't draw enough students. 

Like a heavenly sign, e-mail from TEDS last night sent me here:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/robert_lang_folds_way_new_origami.html

Origami is exactly what the doctor ordered! And I've been fiddling with origami almost as long as I've been fiddling with Go.

We can't just spend 3 hours a day making little animals. But there's lot's of math and science in it (as the video points out too) and we could do paper airplane experimentation for variety.

Feet on ground

I got my feelings hurt last night ... I was criticized for my guitar playing during last Sunday's service. Someone had said to the leader that it "clashed". I felt like packing up and going home right then, or least quitting forever.
I'm not saying my guitar playing wasn't bad, but I felt that I had put in a huge effort for less than a week's notice. I didn't know what key we were playing in until after Tuesday.
It looks as if things won't change much, so unless I want to continue to put out a huge effort and continue to play badly because I'm not really prepared, I should leave my (very very heavy) guitar at home. 

Then the lead singer suggested everybody not sing except during the choruses... so as not to confuse the congregation. At that point I started to thinking I'll get to sing more if I'm IN the congregation.
I knew that I was feeling like a sorehead, so I tried to make no decisions or proclamations last night. I need to sort out what my participation is about. Not easy. I don't really like the contemporary music as music ... but I do like participating in it. It's great to strum, clap, tap my feet, and sing harmony while worshipping God.

WOW!

Praise band practice tonight involved a new teenager and a man. (Not a bass but good enough!) What a wonderful sound we made! Not like anything we've done before so the congregation will be in for a Sunday surprise. I've often said that my favorite thing was singing duets. I have to revise that now. My favorite thing is singing quartets! This was better than I could have expected for a first time group. Our leader is very talented and worked really well with our newcomers. Same with our piano player. We are really blessed. I have fantasies of us going on the road :-)

When I got home I actually carried my guitar up the stairs. That's enthusiasm!

Back into music

Today I was involved with making church music.  I've been learning a lot ... being with a new denomination introduces me to a new hymnal and going to "contemporary" services exposes me to music I also don't know. I've been studying pretty hard, going to "praise band" practice, and taping music for my car trips.  Unfortunately our musicians, including me, will get burnt out if we don't get advance time for practice.  A musician operates on a couple of levels. There's the kinesthetic stuff where one does the mechanics. After that is taken care of, one can actually listen to the music and convey the spirit behind it. With groups, one has to get used to the others. For example, a song sound better when everyone pronounces the vowels in the same way (which is one reason singers look at each other). It's a lot like sports I think, only it's a new game with each new musical piece. 

Some pastors don't understand the kinesthetic preparation that's needed and they think a musician can just launch into the spirit stuff. It's embarrassing to make a mistake publicly and a musical mistake can be loud and awkward. A soloist can fudge, but a member of the group really sticks out.  If music selections were just a matter of appropriate words, we could just chant poetry instead of singing it.  The "groanings" of the Holy Spirit can teach us that words aren't the only form of worship. So perhaps a pastor could let go of his attachment to the importance of the words to the expense of having time to practice. Just saying. ;-)

While preparing for a song for this morning, I was told I'd be using a mike, but there's be no time to practice with the mike. I said "I've used a mike lots of times". Heh heh. It did not occur to me that I'd never used a mike while holding music. So for the first service, I found I could not see the music where I had to hold it. By the second service I'd figured out where to hold it.

Three of us sang a hymn a capella. I'm told it was the "Mennonite anthem", so I think it's appropriate that we sang a capella.  The congregation's pleasure was palpable. Connie and Jim and I do pretty well staying on pitch. What a pleasant blessing!

Two new people were interested in joining our tiny praise band (average 2.5 people).  I hope we'll get more lead time so we can work better as a bigger group.

Your tax dollars at work- I have one student

Actually I'm not as disgruntled as people usually are about tax dollars. I'm quite grateful to have a job and I hope my ONE student is happy to be having intensive tutoring in biology. She's a really nice kid and deserves the extra attention. 

I'm learning as we go, too. Biology, the science of life, is really really awesome. If this human science can be so complex and beautiful, doesn't it boggle the mind to think about the Giver of Life?

I know I'm listening

... to God when things like this happen. I was waiting in the summer school office and in walked Johnny! I had just been telling someone I would like to see him after all these seven years, but I wouldn't recognize him. So, she knowing this, was able to introduce us. What a treat!

Intentional living

Yesterday's message at church was on "intentional living" and was a tape from Kerry Shook from Fellowship of the Woodlands in Houston TX. It certainly presented a challenge, to the point that the congregation was a bit stunned. The challenging question was: 

What would I do today if I had only one month to live?

My first answer might be not to sleep so much. 

Yesterday I packed my hairless fiddle bow for shipping, made post cards to send to my favorite aunt, and wrote notation for Angel Band. 

I did watch Lawnorder Criminals in Tents for the last hour of the day, which is not good for my spiritual condition. I have been concerned about my spiritual condition because I've been waking up too often with resentments. Last night I did make sure I went to sleep with a prayer on my lips and did wake up feeling better.  No resentments today, but some fear over current difficulties and challenges.

Goodness a week has gone by since the last blog entry. And I have had time ... but filled it well. Forgive me if I'm saying what I've said before. My life may be more of the same on paper. 

I've been putting together flashcards for teaching remedial biology. The students will have 20 hours to relearn or learn about seventh grade and high school biology. The week after their two weeks with me they will retake the HSA biology which is required for high school graduation. (And I thought New York State Regents' exams were tough!) So I figure the best thing I can do is help them bone up on terminology. Hmmm... I do that a lot when I teach math too.

Speaking of math. I have not gotten any invitations to job interviews. Is there a black mark next to my name? Still I feel very strong promise in that direction.

What's on my mind today is how I want to make as much as my church "fellowship" activities as much an outreach activity as possible. That's the idea of music on the porch or eating out at foreign restaurants (besides liking the interesting foods). I suppose that's a recurring theme too.

I mustered enough energy to get to praise group practice last night. And it really charged me up. Not yet, but someday I'll join the group during church. Maybe within the year. I'm really learning a lot. 

Why not stay home on Sunday?

I've been encouraged to think through and write out my "story" of why I go to church. Do I go to church for any reason that I could tell somebody else? Suppose I want to invite my next door neighbor to join us in church. Why would anyone want to come with me? Maybe my understanding why I go would help me understand. This was a One Prayer assignment that was given on Wednesday and now it's rotated off the page. (A reason that that website is very aggravating) But it's taken me all this time to think about it.

I go to church because it's refreshing. When I go to work I feel as if I am subject to judgment. I also feel that way at parties. At church I feel smart enough, good enough, and doggone it, people like me! And I find I like the people I'm with in the same way.

At church I'm with people who are deeply concerned about the state of the world, and not afraid, or shy, or too self-conscious to say so. We either share our sorrows there, or we let go of our petty grievances as we concentrate on the problems of others'. We also share our victories and pleasures. I don't hear any "top this" stories either, although I suppose they have to happen from time to time.

I go to church because it puts my world in order. I need the regular reminder of who is in charge (God) and who is not (me). The attitude of worship does this better than anything. You could tell me God is important, but I don't feel it unless I'M telling God that God is important.

I go to church because I like God, I'm sure He likes me, and it's a great place to affirm that with others who feel the same way. I go to church because I want to please God, and I'm sure He wants me to grow, and it's a great place to grow with others who feel the same way.

My worlds converge!

My son and grandson are big Colbert fans and I've been reading and listening to NT Wright. NTW doesn't seem too comfortable in Colbert's comedy format - maybe nobody told him it was a fake news show. But I'm pleased he was there.

Friend in an old fashioned setting

That's me in the middle ... at least it should be.

I played music with Connie today. Hopefully the first in a series of musical events. Tonight we were on my front porch with fireflies. Weather permitting, it's a great place to meet. And we can attract others as we did tonight. I sure hope we get another musician to sort of "thicken" our sound.

Connie and I prayed for each other to have success in our job searches. Connie's been interviewing. I really would like a job at a particular nearby middle school.

Today I found it easy to be grateful and enjoy God gifts, even in the midst of discomfort.

vegetables

One of my favorite things about living on the eastern shore is the summer vegetables. I picked up my CSA share yesterday and am fortunate (unemployed) enough to have time to sort and clean them for an hour this morning. I've got a few meals worth of wax and green beans, a head of lettuce, 3 medium zucchini, more than a few meals of tiny red potatoes, a bunch of beets and a bunch of young carrots. I plan to juice the beets and carrots (and save the pulp for soup?). All organic. So far, I've found these vegetables to be several times as tasty as those from the store OR from a roadside stand. I'm looking forward to Tomato Time!

Today with one prayer is pray for pastor day, Mr. and Mrs. both.

Tuesday one prayer

Daily Devotion June 17: Fasting Focus: Miracles

Today, Tuesday, I am in prayer and fasting (no meat, no sugar) for my local church's diversity. I pray that our attendance will double and that our racial, economic, and cultural diversity will increase. I pray that we will challenge and excite each other with new insights and understandings. And let this excitement be a testimony to the God who makes this miracle possible.

Today's devotional emphasizes these elements of prayer: Audacity, Accuracy, Action.
The Accuracy reminds me of the teacher thing of making objectives measurable.

One prayer Monday

June 16: What Did God Do in Your Church?

We had communion in spirit. So much so in spirit that I almost forgot the bread and juice which we also shared. We used a video sermon which connected us with the Christian world at large, and members of the congregation pointed out our connection with area churches.

One prayer message

We watched this in this morning's worship service. I thought it was worth posting.

kidneys

I responded to a blog post about the heart being the place where we experience feelings. I commented that I recalled it mentioned as being the kidneys. I was challenged to look it up and I find that I was partly right.

kidneys at seat of emotions

And here's a little commentary by a Christian man who seems to be really into the Klingon language!
mu''a'vo' mu' - A Klingon Word from the Word: Down in my.... Kidney?

And here's a medically oriented article on
The Metaphorical use of "Kidney"

Abstract

While the Syrians and the Arabs viewed the liver as the center of life, the kidneys, in contrast, held a primary place of importance in Israel. In Hebrew tradition, they were considered to be the most important internal organs along with the heart. In the Old Testament most frequently the kidneys are associated with the most inner stirrings of emotional life. But they are also viewed as the seat of the secret thoughts of the human; they are used as an omen metaphor, as a metaphor for moral discernment, for reflection and inspiration. This field of tension in metaphoric usage is resolved under the conception of the kidneys as life center. In the Old Testament the kidneys thus are primarily used as metaphor for the core of the person, for the area of greatest vulnerability. For us today, this metaphorical use of the kidneys has lost its meaning. One reason for its disappearance is certainly the monopoly of causal-analytic rationality in science of today. The kidney has developed from myth to organ, and with this transition a variety of perspectives and ways of looking at knowledge inherent in imaginative thought have been lost. But the metaphor uncovers a deeper level of truth, it represents another form of reconstruction of reality which needs not necessarily be subordinate to the scientific rationality. Today as well, these imaginative ideas can provide an approach to an essential level of reality which may otherwise remain hidden.

My poor friend in the pool

I look forward to seeing my friend in the pool these days. He's gotten less shy and more willing to talk about things that really matter to him. But today I think I blew him away. He made a small comment about developmentally disabled adults having "a free ticket to heaven" and I let him have it with both barrels. Now I didn't want to blow him away ... I just have a raw nerve when one is talking about the salvation of people with cognitive or mental disabilities.

I am a Christian today partly because I was brought to church by people with developmental disabilities. I was even baptized in a pool WITH a disabled woman because I had to stay in the water to hold her helmet. And I've known d.d. adults long enough and well enough to know they are sinners in need of salvation just like the rest of us. Someone saying that someone is "child-like" is simply wrong ... and doesn't know the mind of children very well either.

So I've challenged my fellow swimmer to come up with the Biblical reference. He currently insists that there's a verse about God protecting the feeble minded. Using BibleGateway, I haven't found it.

I guess this mindset angers me so much because it allows folks to forget the cognitively challenged. It also perpetuates the primary importance of being intellectually and theologically correct in one's religious point of view. I take great comfort in knowing that I am saved by Christ even though I'm theologically muddle headed.

BTW we got on the topic because I was saying that I judged a person's character on whether or not the developmentally disabled or the mentally ill in the congregation felt comfortable speaking with them. If I saw B... or T... avoid someone, no matter how sweet the person seemed to be, I figured B or T knew who was genuinely approachable.

One prayer on Thursday

Thursday: How can we pray for each other? Share requests with each other, and lift each other up in prayer.

I think I'll use a church directory - two, from my old church and new.

Request: I would ask everyone who reads this to pray that I can find a job that pays my living expenses.

Wednesday one prayer

Wednesday: What is your One Prayer? If you could pray one prayer for the Church, what would it be?

Before I accepted Christ as my savior, teacher, Lord, and friend, I was sort of a fuzzy new-age pantheist. And before that I was a Baha'i. As I Baha'i, I felt I had the key to world unity and peace. All we needed was for everyone to become Baha'i! I have come to believe that not everyone will agree on a religion. God draws each believer in the way that is right and timely for her. And some will never be believers at all.
Still, my prayer for the Church is unity. Not that we all think the same way. I can see by the one prayer responses so far that we have very different slants. But let's accept the diversity in the Christian body and remember that Christ is the head.

Tuesday's one prayer activity

Tuesday: We will fast together and pray for salvations. Go to the website to write the first name of someone you are praying will come to know Christ.If you can't fast, you might devote an hour to praying for salvations by sacrificing your time from the TV or another activity.

According to Baptist theology, Gareth is saved already, but I'll pray for him anyway.
I also want to pray for Anne, a dear internet friend, and Lena, a neighbor.
I'll fast from sweets, meat, movies and drama.

One prayer activity

Monday: What did God do in your Church? Share what God is doing in your church and celebrate with other believers.

I'm new to my church. I've blogged a lot about good things in my former church, particularly in the diversity of its membership. Today's exercise gives me opportunity to say what I've noticed about my new church. Like with my old church, the good qualities are so natural they are almost taken for granted.

1. Gender equality - Men and women seem to take on equally important roles in the way things are run. There doesn's seem to be any sense of one gender being in charge of the "important" decisions. It helps that we have two pastors of two genders.

2. Naturalness - We have clapping and swaying during musical worship ... not because we are supposed to, but because it seems natural. Some people stand, some people sit, and some people do both when their arthritis acts up. Children act naturally too. We are truly encouraged to dress the way we want to dress. I had balked about an emphasis on "casual" that had been mentioned in the website, but in practice, all modes of dress, up or down, are acceptable.

3. We are blessed with some true servants who make our new worship center a very beautiful, welcoming and comfortable place. These people are hard to identify because they are humble too.

Projects for the week

First I'll be part of the week of One Prayer in which our church is participating. Every day has a special focus. I'll be posting here about it.

I'm also participating in a study on Shelfari of J I Packer's Knowing God.

I'll be getting the technical bugs out of my coming Go class I hope to be teaching. (If enough sign up.)
I'll be studying cellular biology for the remedial class I'll be teaching.
I hope to have more time for swimming too.

Wish I'd have said that

I wish I could repeat good ideas I've heard, but my summarizing skills seem to be lacking. Today while treading water in the physical therapy pool a fellow treader started up a conversation. Rather out of the blue, it seemed, about the state of American education. I'm inclined to disagree with anything that includes the phrase "what's going wrong in American ..." even when I agree with it! I did my level best to be agreeable, especially since the fellow hasn't jumped into any kind of conversation in the past and I suspect that conversation doesn't come easy for him. Well, in the course of what was becoming a stimulating conversation, I wanted to tell him what NT Wright had been saying about heaven ... or more accurately, what NT had been saying was NOT heaven. So my friend said "Like what?" and I was stumped. Couldn't remember a thing. Still it was a great starter conversation and I hope we have many more.


I'm missing praise music practice again tonight. I spent some time last night finding the chords and lyrics and listening to the tunes. Bought some new guitar strings this evening. Got to the church early to wait, and then, bam, my energy level crashed and I drove home and went to bed. Boy I hate it when I just poop out.